"How did I know?" I asked Marvin.
He just nodded as his answer.
"I told you, Junior created a dummy account. You were not attentive earlier." I laughed, but it was awkward.
"I listened." He said. "I-I just don't like to hear your break-up story. You were too vulnerable earlier. I felt it."
"No, I wasn't." I lied. We're staring at each other.
"So, you may now continue your story." Karl interrupted.
I glared at him for being silly again.
"I can still remember how Steven treated me as his girlfriend. He was very clingy and at the same time protective." I stopped. "Until now, I don't know what's wrong with me, why he suddenly left me, why his love changed."
"There's nothing wrong with you." Laura smiled.
"He's just a dumbass who wanted to have sex to anyone." Ivan raged about what Steven did to me.
"After you learned about his cheating incident, what did you do?" Johan wondered.
I took a deep breath first, "I just cried. I begged God to remove the pain I was feeling at that time because it was painful, and it felt like I was going to die. That was my first heartbreak. A break up that I will never forget. There were things I experienced after the break-up like I experienced sleep paralysis. I was so scared and stressed at the same time." I smiled. "I don't know how I survived because he was my first boyfriend, and I planned my future with him. When I was young, I told myself if I had a boyfriend, I would settle with him, and I wanted him to be my first and last because I was too lazy to start again with another guy."
"You know?" Ivan sat beside me and hugged me. "You're strong."
I hugged him too. "Thank you!"
"I already told you how proud I am of you. You survived." He kissed me on my head.
Hays Ivan! I want you to be happy.
He separated his body from mine and returned to the couch.
"I was her human diary at that time." Junior stared at me. "I remember she sent voice messages and a video of her wherein she was crying. It was my first time to see Louise crying. My heart broke into pieces as well. You called me that time, and you were still crying. You were like a baby because you couldn't speak, and you're just crying out loud."
When everything was messed up, I ran to Junior. I told everything about what he did to me. From Steven's cold days to not talking to me. Junior was there; he didn't leave me.
"I told you often that I would protect you, right?" He smiled. "Even if I'm gay, I don't want to see you cry over boys. I will be a man when someone breaks your heart."
"Especially to our youngest friend, Louise." Marie smiled at me.
My nine beautiful and trusted college friends didn't leave me when I experienced my first heartbreak. They were still there to listen and give advices. I am forever grateful to meet those amazing people in my life.
"Steven sent screenshots to a dummy account; he was talking to a girl named Ellaine. He said he didn't want to break up with her, but the girl kept pushing him away." I continued. "Our last video call was on April 16, 2023. He sounded sad and sleepy at the same time. So I let him sleep while we were on a video call. I watched him sleeping without knowing that was our last conversation."
"I think Ellaine was his friend, and he had a crush on her, but Ellaine doesn't want him. That's why Steven runs to me and calls me when she's pushing him away. So to that story, I was the other girl." I sounded sad. "The saddest part in the story was he said to the dummy account that Ellaine was his first in everything, introduced her to his parents, and wanted her in his life forever. I can't help but wonder where was I there in 3 months? Was I belong to his plans? Did he look at me the way he looked at her?"
The people around me fell silent. They all looked at me sadly.
"He never treated me the way he treated Ellaine. I read Steven's text messages to Ellaine; he waited outside her work from morning until midnight. He never did that to me." I added. "And worst was while I was suffering and crying because I missed him so much, he was having fun with his friends. He went to different places with different girls using his motorcycle."
"He lied to me. He said he was busy, but he was already pursuing someone. Ellaine already has a baby; she's sexy, she's pretty, but I know I'm the prettiest." I laughed because it was true. "She's confident with her body. That's why she used to flaunt it. I knew that girl was his ideal type. Someone with a beautiful body, skinny, big boobs, and big butt, and I'm not that girl."
"Stop looking down on yourself," Karl said. "You are the prettiest and kindest next to my mom."
"I-I just can't help to compare myself," I uttered. "If I'm enough, why did he leave me hanging? Was it hard to say goodbye?"
I took my phone out of my pocket. I opened my notes because I had written a letter to him.
"Did you know? I wrote a letter to him. I sent it to Instagram before I blocked him." I smiled. "I don't know his reaction, but he read that letter. He sent a part to the dummy account. I said there; I wanted him to suffer forever because of what he did to me. I wanted him to be unhappy, not to meet his girl. And also, I said I would be his standards. But why am I the one who cannot be happy? I knew I'd already moved on, but there were still relapses. It's been fucking three years, but why is it hard to forget him? I tried to be happy again many times, but I couldn't erase what he did to me. I'm afraid to love again. So scared to be left again. acckkk!"
I rolled on the floor out of frustration. My heart is aching and still broken. I did everything to our relationship for him to hurt me. He was so unfair. I hope I didn't entertain him to say yes and be my boyfriend. I was so stupid for being so understanding and trusting him.
"What happened?" I heard my mom ask.
I got up and faced her.
"Nothing." I smiled.
My mom was there when I fell in love and still there when I experienced my first heartbreak. I don't want her to worry about me again. When I told her that Steven and I were broken up, I knew she was also sad and brokenhearted. I cried on her shoulder, and she saw how vulnerable I was that time. She always told me that the first boyfriend was the most painful at the same time, memorable. I did not listen to her because I thought Steven was different from others. I was confident that he was not a womanizer he would not leave me, but Steven broke my trust as well as my mom's and my brother's.
"Don't cry again because of that guy. He's not worth it." My mom warned me before she returned to her room.
I looked at them and became a bit shy.
"It's okay. We're not judging you." Yohan assured me.
"I'm sorry if I lied to you; I actually want to forget that story, but when the LET brought up, I immediately remembered him," I said.
"Are you ready to fall in love again?" Junior asked seriously.
I pursed my lips. "I think yes? It's been three years, so I'd moved on, but I'm having a difficult time giving my trust again."
He nodded in his response.
"I'll pursue you no matter what," Marvin said.
We all gaped, and I didn't know what my response would be.