I'm adding these because they are part of me and feel like I need to share this too
I feel like I'm annoying everyone I'm around. I feel like no one cares and I'm just getting in their way all the time. I constantly think about killing myself but I feel like that wouldn't do anything. At this point, it feels like not even my family likes me. I want to feel loved but no one likes me. What is the point of staying with people who don't care? It's not like I have anywhere else to go though... I guess I'm stuck... not that it changes anything. I feel like maybe the world would be better without me in it but I feel like maybe at least someone would miss me if I died. Or is that just what I want because I'm selfish? Why would I want someone else to be as miserable as I am just because I'm not around? I can't keep up with being "happy" or " giddy" anymore... I can't keep smiling. I need a break.
It's not that I feel much better but I feel as though I no longer need a break. I have for so long needed rest but to no avail have I gotten it. No one truly listens to my voice until it can no longer scream and cry for help
This one is an aftermath of getting into an argument with a friend after I stupidly invalidated his feelings after asking him for advice
Life fucking sucks. I made Keith mad at me and it's been hours and he still hasn't texted me back. I know it's my fault and I can't expect to be forgiven so easily when I keep making the same mistake. But this fucking hurts. Now, I finally finished what's at stake, and unsuspectingly, Cleo gets arrested and her dad is dead. So what if it's just a book? It still hurts. I thought maybe I could get a happy ending from my favorite book and it'd make my night better and I could sleep in ease; but no, it didn't happen. That shit hurts. I can't even convince myself to kill myself. Is it even worth living? Probably not. But I can't manage to end my shitty life. Maybe when we move I can forget about everything. A fresh start. Or, maybe once we move I'll be alone all again and everything will be over. All of the friends I finally made and all of the relationships I've worked so hard to build. I finally got a girlfriend and I barely get to spend time with her before the world whisks me away from her along with everyone else. I had to hold back from crying while I was with Khoi. It feels like there's no hope left that anything will be okay. I've lost enough weight to where everyone has noticed… mom said I might have to go to the hospital if this continues. I think I'm just gonna go to sleep. Maybe I should cut everyone off and just start all over? Maybe I shouldn't have had friends in the first place. Night dude. I would say I love you but we know that's a lie…