Hentai Shinobi Rule 61: When in doubt, whip it out.
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Despite achieving something sensational like molding healing chakra into strings, Kai's trait refused to enlist the task as another skill, and he could understand why. Unlike his previous unique skills, where he did not already have other skills covering some aspect of the new achievement, Kai's most recent accomplishments involved basic anatomical knowledge, the mastery of [Mystic Hands,] and the mastery of [Shape Transformation.]
He didn't create anything new that wasn't recorded in his Trait, so his Trait did not need to rescan his surroundings and extrapolate data about the new skill.
Kai's sudden and ingenious use of Chakra Strings was a pure display of technique and focus.
As for the task he'd set out to achieve…
[Promotion Quest: Performance Evaluation
Summary: Collect the hidden scroll from your opponent and report to the central tower.
Rewards: 5 SP; New Title(s); New Skill Tree(s)
Failure: Chance of Host's promotion suspended; A Chance of admission into Anbu or Root; New Title; New Skill Tree]
[Earned 5 SP.]
[Title Unlocked.]
[Title Unlocked.]
[New Skill Tree Discovered.]
[New Skill Tree Discovered.]
Kai glanced away from the overlapping, translucent panels popping one after another before minimizing them with a mere thought as they disappeared to reveal Hiruzen's smiling and encouraging expression.
"Well, Kai-Kun?" Hiruzen questioned. "Your teammates already have it. How does it fee?"
On his casual fit was a dark green, sleeveless flak jacket boasting the Uzumaki's red spiral symbol on the back, six Velcro-strapped breast pockets on the front, and a general resistance to the elements and attacks compared to ordinary fabric. But even better was the feeling of the mostly unadorned necklace looped around his neck and threaded through a conspicuous green crystal half the size of his pinky finger.
"Hmm," Kai adopted a contemplative look. "I must say being the youngest Jonin has its perks, Lord Third. Believe it or not, Tsunade-Sensei practically threw herself at me, and I had to calm her down before settling for this necklace as a present. Sigh… she's too eager. But I get it."
Hiruzen deadpanned before clearing his throat. "I choose to believe Tsunade threw YOU out of her office once you tried passing out on her chest again."
"Again?" Kai blinked. "I don't know anything about that… I lost my consciousness after surviving against Sakumo."
"Right," Hiruzen nodded, his gaze not even skeptical since he didn't try hiding the amusement for the youngest Jonin's antics. In a way, Kai's stunning achievement spared him some cheekiness with the village's administration.
The Third Hokage soon dismissed the youth, allowing him to seek his friends and bask in their adoration and rivalry envy. Yet, Hiruzen couldn't help but allow reignited hope to brighten his dark, weary hues as he saw Kai out of the office with his gaze.
Kai's choices pleased Hiruzen… no, that would be an understatement. It wasn't just a pleasant surprise when the youth known to terrorize Konoha's orphans decided against the easy way out of the promotion exam at the expense of his teammate's health. Hiruzen's devotion to the Will of Fire and its accompanying message of preserving Konoha's future generation decidedly veiled the thin strand of doubt about Kai's 'playful' bullying, hiding something darker that would reveal with more power and age.
But those doubts were challenged by Kai's desire to protect Kushina, at least his declaration of intent. And against Sakumo, Kai willed his desires into action! There were several perspectives on Kai's decision.
As the leading figure of a Shinobi Organization, Hiruzen admittedly found Kai's actions less effective and harmful to the mission. There was no questioning that. Indeed, the Will of Fire contradicted the Academy's teachings of honing prospective Shinobi as unfeeling blades meant to be utilized. However, years of being the Hokage allowed Hiruzen to realize Tobirama Senju's intentions.
This willful contradiction churned Konoha with a spiral of ideals that eventually crystallized outstanding Shinobi bearing distinct ideals, each aimed to better Konoha through different actions. Allowing only ONE ideal to rule Konoha was dangerous, if not self-destructive. It would increase the rate of emergence of extreme radicals, who were a bane to any functioning society.
Instead, the Will of Fire nurtured the Shinobi's hearts, and the academy aimed to lay a foundation dedicated to guiding the Shinobi's mind.
Hiruzen was, perhaps, one of the defining creatures of this intent. Although he was a caring figure for the masses, the need for action to maintain self-preservation at the cost of another country's life wasn't lost on him. Though burdening, such a conflict in ideals and actions allowed prominent figures in power—or rather, shadow and light—to stay rooted and accommodating.
Even if Hiruzen's 'mind' disliked Kai's decisions, his heart was entirely different. Choosing to protect his teammates, even at the cost of his promotion, not only countered Hiruzen's doubts but annihilated them into nothingness, leaving the Hokage filled with admiration for the boy's dedication.
Lord Third doubted Kai revealed such selfish protection for the girls due to their gender and underlying attraction. The boy was too enamored with Hiruzen's disciple's… well, treasures… to recognize Mikoto's and Kushina's affection.
Right?
However, Kai chose to protect his teammates AND let them deliver the empty scroll instead. That caught every spectator's attention.
Sure. Sakumo went laughably easy on Kai. If the White Fang's bite could tear off the youth's arm, it could have just as effortlessly separated Kai's head from his body. But that was the point of pitting Kai against an elite amongst elites. It was to test Kai's head and determination— to assess his technique and grit!
And that was the third perspective.
Kai proved to be a figure who is hale in heart and mind– a culmination of Lord Second's desire to build morally stable and deceptively, ruthlessly self-preserving Shinobi!
Kai, the Youngest Jonin, achieved the administration's AND his person's objectives!
There was also another way to look at it—
The Guardian Seal.
Kai was Kushina's guardian and had to protect her. Of course, leaving her wouldn't have been a malicious act in this particular instance because Kai was thinking about being a Jonin to protect the former. It was similar for Kushina. She volunteered to obstruct Kai and became his test not out of a malicious mindset but to firm him up for any unforeseen accidents in real-life scenarios.
Nevertheless, Hiruzen believed being Kushina's guardian was the last reason for encouraging Kai to make the decisions he acted upon.
But…
'The kid's too intent on that harem…' Hiruzen chuckled bitterly. 'Biwako's already past her due date and has been a menace in the house. And that's just one woman. Hopefully, Kai realizes the additional four-kilogram weight of his dreams.'
Then his thoughts stirred.
'As for that necklace… I can see why Tsunade chose to gift it to Kai. It would help him and Kushina during any accidents.'
<<<>>>
It would be a travesty to end the celebrations early! Sure, it was nothing compared to Mito's lips wrapped around his cock in a desperate vacuum suction that left him dry for a day minimum… but!
'This does put a smile on my face.'
Kai smiled widely, the corner of his eyes bunched to narrow his eyelids into pleased slits as he took the slip of paper from the reluctant red. His gift was a customized coupon dated the beginning of the year when Team 9 advanced to the ranks of Genin, eager to leave their names as legends in their own rights.
The Unlimited Ramen Coupon from Ichiraku Ramen!
Next to Kushina's scribbled name was Kai's bold print— a gift and a punishment delivered by the most deceptive Konoha's slut.
The one and only first lady, Mito Uzumaki!
It was plenty obvious that Kushina and Mikoto skipped ropes with the line separating cheekiness and foolishness. While the duo may have had reasons to put themselves in harm to test Kai, it did not come without consequences.
It couldn't, lest the duo learn messing around in gargantuan proportions met them no pain.
That wasn't the lesson Mito OR Yata Uchiha were willing to teach their loved ones.
Like Kushina, hiding the painful bumps on her head using Transformation Jutsu, Mikoto sported an indignant expression as she held something in her hands.
It was another slip of paper.
Kai quietly lifted his eyebrow, more than patient to let Mikoto extend her hands.
The proud Uchiha heiress finally let up under Kushina's aggrieved glare. If the monstrous redhead had to depart from one of her greatest treasures… Mikoto couldn't be allowed to go away scot-free in an accurate fashion of teamwork.
"Here…" the raven-haired dango-tooth grunted in equal parts pain and annoyance.
Grinning proudly, Kai snatched the slip of paper.
It wasn't an all-you-can-eat coupon like Kushina's but something as pleasing.
Dated till the end of the year, it was a service Kai had been seeking since these two devils got their hands on him.
Payback…
Respect…
Kai indeed achieved so much by becoming the Youngest Jonin! His path of Harem was also secured with Kushina aiming to become his manager, Mito as a willing cock sleeve, Tsunade as a future candidate, and an interested party in the form of Nono Yakushi.
And now…
—Cheek Pinching Rights.—
"Heh…"
Kai held the slip tightly before throwing his head back.
"Hahahahahaha!"
Outside the BBQ restaurant, the bystanders momentarily shuddered at the piercing, villainous laughter cutting through the cold and dry surroundings. Several children quickly ran away the second they heard Kai's voice. A moment of terror gripped those who were otherwise occupied and couldn't readily escape the street. Meanwhile, the patrolling three-men cell from the Konoha Police briefly appeared once they noticed the malevolent laugh before realizing it was a false alarm.
This slip…
This right was Kai's gift from the duo, alongside a just punishment passed by Tsunade.
"Thank you," Kai grinned, his hands instantly latching on Mikoto's cheeks, whose body seized on the spot. Her cheeks turned bright red as Kai pinched, squished, and pulled them.
"Damn, it feels nice ~ !" His eyes brightened as his devious fingers swiftly tested these rights on Kushina, too.
"Hmph, enjoy it while it lasts," Kushina pouted, not shocked by the touch. Meanwhile, Mikoto was as quiet as the winter night.
"Tch…" she clicked her tongue, unable to meet the Youngest Jonin's gaze as she entered the restaurant.
"What? She's that mad?" Kai blinked and asked Kushina.
"She…" Kushina worked her jaw before scoffing. "I'm not telling you anything, stupid Kai-Chan!"
"Hey! I'm the Youngest Jonin! Show me some respect!"
"Beh!"
"You asked for it!" Kai snorted, instantly pulling Kushina's cheeks as she squirmed and struggled.
The restaurant welcomed the trio with an inviting scent of cooked meat and a fusion of different sauces and herbs. The last of the chill clinging to their bodies melted alongside the sight of the delicious bone broth used to season several meals and the piping hot meals being served to a group of friends already waiting inside.
Like Mikoto and Kushina, Jiraiya and Orochimaru hid their painful injuries using the Transformation Jutsu. Alongside them were Tsunade, Nono, Tsume, Minato, and… that's it.
'Boy, it's a shame the entire village isn't celebrating my existence…' Kai sighed. To think an asset like him would be so unappreciated.
"Alpha!" Tsume's metaphorical tail wagged, and her eyes glistened with unconcealed devotion. Her expression glowed like the morning sun, almost forcing Kai's gaze away as she squeaked. "You're already a Jonin! Mom said you're more than enough!"
'And… this day sucks.'
Kai almost buckled before rejecting the Inuzuka's scary advances.
"I don't wanna."
He was as precise and expressive as they came. Tsume nodded, settling down under everyone's weird gaze. "Fine. But I don't mind. You already promised to train me."
Kai settled down in his seat between Mikoto and Kushina with a weird look.
"Yeah, your skills."
"Exactly!" Tsume grinned.
'Kay.' Kai shrugged. As long as they were clear. He didn't want his glorious name dragged through the mud because of one brat who didn't get over her crush…
'Wait,' Kai almost gasped. 'She's exactly like me…'
"Where's Kuromaru?" Kai quickly questioned to change the subject.
"Oh, the parlor," Tsume informed. "It's his break day, and he likes getting his fur groomed. So, I left him in a ninken parlor."
"Alright!" Jiraiya interjected. "Are we going to order something or not?!"
"Depends," Tsunade jabbed coldly. "Gonna poach my team again?"
"Come on!" Jiraiya huffed. "We didn't force them."
"What's going on?" Minato questioned Kai.
"Willful traitors," Kai scoffed, branding himself to Tsunade's team. "All of them!"
"I'm hungry…" Nono muttered.
"Who even are you?" Tsume shot the brunette a warning and inquisitive look.
"Depends," Nono asked. "Who's asking?"
"She's Tsunade-Sensei's maid," Mikoto snorted, venting whatever she was feeling on Nono.
"Just a temporary career choice," Nono adjusted her glasses. "I also have an arrangement with the youngest Jonin."
"Damn right!" Kai suddenly grinned. "I'm the Youngest Jonin!" He stood up, declaring loudly. "Listen up, everyone! Whatever you eat is on me!"
"Woah?"
"Really?"
"Wait, that's Kai… Nah, I don't trust the kid. I heard he likes purchasing all the sweets from a store before other kids can."
"I saw him kick an Inuzuka's ninken…"
The group heard several other rumors… which stemmed from accurate sources, as their expressions became increasingly wry.
Kai did have some good qualities…
That's why he managed to invite as many people as he did.
Skepticism blanketed the restaurant as Kai sat down with a proud smile, eager to change his reputation. So, he called the nearest waiter and shot him the deadliest look. Under everyone's stunned gaze, he relented—
"I ain't paying for anyone's shit… but don't tell anyone until it's time for their bill."
What were others going to do?
Mess with the Youngest Jonin?
The party was the best!
***
Alternate Title: Second Hokage: Fuck The Uchiha (Kai and Hashirama: *Unzips*); Promotion; New Titles and Skill Trees; Center of Attention; The Perspective of a Hokage and a Good Man; The Contradictory Ideal; Like Churning Cream; Flak Jacket Achieved; Hiruzen: Sees a Ray of Hope (The Rest of Konoha: Experience Their New Nightmare); Rewards Sweeter Than SP; Kai-Chan Got Dem Cheeks— Ayo; Just Vengeance; Rightful Punishment; Snatched Ramen; Malevolent Laugh; Shaking Streets; Kushina and Mikoto Are No Longer Safe; The Party; The Attractive Achievement; Tsume: I'm You *Cues Where You Go I Go*; Mito's New Title; The First Slut
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