The horizon called to me. Sunless, dyed in a golden hue that faded to green just like my autonomy. The chaos of a wish wrapped in a desire for freedom. She looked to the horizon, her eyes glowing golden. She sat down, letting the breeze whisk all her troubles away. She smiled before her memories began to flood back into her mind.
~
The forest was supposedly my domain, a place where I thought only I existed. The place where beasts resided, yet, it became my haven. A place to find peace of mind when I had none. Rather, it blinded me. All the training and studying I did so obsessively let me escape the lonely cage I built for myself. At least, for a moment. Because—even the studying and training too, became my shackle. A new emptiness, which even now I can't understand.
I lost myself in what I thought trivial. Using the dream that my parents left me as the only clutch to find relief. Because as long as I chased it, I would find relief. I would lose myself in what I thought irrelevant and suffocating, enduring it as many times as I needed to. Losing myself further, further still until my only desire was a connection with my parents through the dream and bracelets I was gifted.
The time moved, and moved along until it became a normal for me. And then...I saw you. How unguarded you were, worse, how hopeless you seemed. You found food in a forest, unrefined to your fate and ate it. Honestly, I saw no logic behind your actions and as a result, I struck you. Not out rage or disappointment but as a means to ensure your attention. I wanted my actions to linger, trapping you with me.
A single hit, floored you, making me assume you were weak. You were bruised from just that little contact and I wondered why you were in the forest, and alone at that. You turned asking for nothing but my name before asking me to clear out. How little survival instinct you had, you couldn't even guess I was there. I was the only one there so I no one else could have done it.
I hit you again, this time stronger than the last. You were cut open upon falling to the ground. Seeing this, I knew I could use it. People tend to soften towards those who show them kindness. You gave me cause to believe that enough to try, hoping to wrap you in debt for an action I had committed. And….you went along with it.
But, before I could relax, you encased me in ice. I assumed that I would suffocate or freeze to death but no such fate befell me. I was as warm as could be and had enough air to last me a week as more kept rushing in with breath I took. A few minutes had passed and the ice began to crack. I broke free from it with the wind I cast and the next thing I knew, you were lying half dead on the ground.
You were about to get crushed. I stopped to think for but a moment. My thoughts opposed my eventual recklessness, I knew he was stronger, I knew I would lose but I just wanted to protect you. Because that—was the dream that my parents left me. I have to save others. No matter what. Worse still, because you chose to protect me even though I was only someone you had just met.
Before I knew it, I was fighting that man. Using my magic to attempt to decimate him without destroying my own body. No matter how hard I tried, how much more I gave, he crashed me. But then, you were up again, you could have just fled yet, you chose to save me. By fighting him once more. When I felt your presence, I could sense it. A deep seated rage, obsession, sorrow that coursed to the depth of your soul. But deeper still, beyond even the malice, I felt loneliness. An almost suffocating desire to connect to another. That feeling alone made me want to save you.
Before I realized it, you had won bit lost you were. Your presence growing ever more toxic as you walked toward me. I could hardly breathe and so crawled away I did before I heard, "This time, you survived." Those words, confused me….I felt as though they were never meant for me but I couldn't help but feel happy for them. Illogical though it was, I chose to lose myself in them.
And for the first time, I connected with someone. However much I hate to admit it, I wouldn't be here if you were never there. The obsession I had, the dream they left for me…I can only chase it as you were there on that day. Because I grew to realize that knight trial was never meant for me. I was only a bystander who got wrapped up in it.
And like I wouldn't believe, in a moment of life or death, you chose me above all else. Flames descended from the sky and without hesitation, with one foot firmly placed in the grave, you rushed to my side. I was really grateful you did that.
When you got worked up because Walter became someone I trusted, I felt happy. Stupid though it was, that insecurity filled me with joy. You have no idea how deeply that mattered to me. I had connected with someone. Someone who made my once impossible dream feasible.
That was why, "Kano, I will help you come up with an art, one that will be uniquely your own. I want you to try it once I am done, okay?" And like how my parents gave me my dream, I chose to gift you an art. "In return, I want you to come up with my chant."
"Are you sure, chants are a big deal. They step your magic release up. I don't know what your strengths are or what your weaknesses are too. If I made a chant for you, it would probably be no good."
"I don't care. I know it will be perfect."
"I hope you don't get disappointed." And just like how I feel connected to my parents when I use my bracelets, the chant would serve as my shackle to you as much as the art I made for you did.
As I am seated in this golden array, watching the tranquil horizon. All I can think is that, "I miss you— Asim." The chaos you ensue and even the trouble you caused me.