Solas watched Holli where she sat at the edge of camp. She was sitting on a large rock, arms wrapped around her closely drawn knees and her face mostly hidden behind them as she faced away from everyone. She looked much smaller than she had just hours ago when she'd stepped out of the rift and used it to utterly obliterate the demons around it. It had been quite a sight, and he hadn't known her capable of such... ferocity.
But then, she was angry and grieving and still trying to come to terms with all that she had learned in the Fade; the weight of that tragedy had settled over her. Not to mention whatever violence she had endured at the hands of the Wardens who had kidnapped her.
How she felt about Hawke giving the Wardens a second chance, he didn't know. She'd barely said a word since meeting Riluan. And Hawke had spun the story of what happened in the Fade, that it had been Holli's actions and her power that had freed the minds of the Wardens from Corypheus and his demons.
She had managed to shunt aside whatever she was feeling to heal the injured, both Wardens and Inquisition soldiers. Sudden movements by the Wardens did have her flinching away, lingering fear from her abduction. Understandable. In the end, Dorian had put a stop to her endeavours after she'd healed the most grievous patients. It was taking too much of a toll on her, and they didn't want to risk a similar trance to what they'd experienced with Loewe back in Skyhold.
It was an unspoken agreement by all who had been there that what happened in the Fade was her secret to tell or not. It was obvious to them all she felt responsible for the deaths of both the Conclave and her home. He was at a loss on how to dissuade her of the notion. While her presence had been a catalyst, it had not been her choice, and no decision she had made had put that orb in her hand. But she would be deaf to any attempts to convince her otherwise at the moment.
And then to see her mother like that – that would take a toll on anyone. The knowledge she had lost her mother, her best friends... She had lost everyone and everything she had known, and there was no way back.
"I don't know how to make her hurt go away," Cole said from beside him. "I can't undo it, and it's all she wants."
"For now, she needs time, Cole," he told the boy softly. "This is a pain that will mark her in a way you could never imagine."
Solas looked down at him. He was wringing his hands and watching Holli intently.
"In the Fade, when she hugged me, I felt better. More solid and myself and safe."
Solas could admit Holli's hugs had an effect. It was the first time in thousands of years anyone had hugged him, and Cole was right; he had felt more solid and himself, and strangely enough, there had been an inexplicable sense of safety. Or perhaps it had been more grounding for him; he'd felt connected. To what he wasn't sure. Less adrift at sea.
"I'm afraid she would not be receptive to much of anything right now," Solas told him.
Cole nodded his understanding. "She only knows how to manage alone."
Solas had gathered that some time ago. He had noticed her tendency to repress or to try and work through anything emotionally charged on her own. He understood it; he was similar. But this, this was far too big for anyone to just accept and move on alone. On top of all these deaths she was now carrying, she had also lost everyone she cared about as well as any hope of going home. It was a heavy blow that would leave anyone reeling.
The others had noticed her distance and her mood. All they had been told was that she learned her mother had died. They'd needed an explanation, Cassandra especially. The woman didn't like it when people hid things from her.
"I suspect she'll not be sleeping tonight," Solas told him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Keep an eye on her."
Cole nodded.
Solas left him to it, heading to his own tent. It was late, and he had a former compatriot to speak with.
It seemed Riluan also wanted to speak. He was waiting in the Fade when Solas went to sleep.
"Fen'Harel," Riluan greeted with a nod. "I almost didn't recognise you without your hair."
Riluan had been a friend, a long time ago, before the Evanuris, before... before everything. Solas had thought him dead, killed by Elgar'nan in battle; that had been the plan. He had mourned the loss, necessary as it had been. To see him now...
"Riluan," Solas greeted, his tone containing the same distance Riluan had used. "I thought—"
"That I'd died? It took some time to realise and more still to accept. But that had been the plan, hadn't it? You never expected us to survive, let alone succeed."
"No," he replied honestly. "It was... regrettable, but necessary."
"Felassan expressed his concerns over your growing ruthlessness. But I believed in you. I trusted you. More fool me. Though I suppose, without that betrayal, I would not have met Holli's mother."
"You were expelled from here... to London?"
"I was. What do you know of London?"
"Only what Holli has shown me."
"Never could have conceived of a place like that myself," he said through gritted teeth.
"Nor I." Solas wondered if he needed to be prepared for an attack.
"I was surprised to find myself there. Not quite as surprised upon my return to the Fade to find thousands of years had passed in my absence. It's not even been twenty for me. London was certainly... an experience, living there a few years. Finding love, starting a family... losing it all," he said, strolling about the glade they were in, almost like a predator circling prey. "What happened, Fen'Harel? I've tried to glean what I can from in here, but you know how spirits can be. This is not the world I left."
Solas nodded, clasping his hands at his back. It was not the world he'd left either; on that, they were on near equal footing.
Taking a breath, he explained what he could. He didn't go into much detail, but he ensured Riluan would walk away with more concise knowledge of the past and the fates of Elgar'nan and Ghili'nain.
When Solas finished his explanation, he gave Riluan time to absorb it.
"You and Holli wear the same expression when you're thinking," Solas noted.
The mention of his daughter brought a faint smile to his face, but only briefly as he recalled their recent interaction.
All this time Holli had reminded Solas of someone; it seemed so obvious now that he was looking at Riluan. The same blue eyes, the same cheekbones, and colouring.
"Thank you for saving her; I'd hoped someone would be able to," Riluan said. "I never expected it would be you."
"Why couldn't you? You had her here, in the Fade. You were the greatest healer I'd ever known. Until your daughter."
"Bringing her here, shielding her from all that magic and keeping her alive long enough to make it to help, I had nothing left. Death has weakened me. I always thought I would revert to my old self were I ever to die."
"Are you disappointed?" Solas asked.
"No. Not if it lets me maintain my sense of self and my memories and connections. I would not have been able to protect Holli otherwise."
Solas had never imagined Riluan as a father. And despite it having only been twenty or so years for the man, he was vastly changed. There was a harder edge to him, and he wasn't so quick to smile and make jokes. Even serious situations had not deterred his sense of humour back in the day.
But that had been before he'd been sent to die on Solas's orders. Of course he would not look upon Solas as the friend he'd once considered him.
"What of you?" Riluan asked. "From what I have seen, no one you've surrounded yourself with knows who you truly are. Why are you hiding?"
"In these modern times, Fen'Harel does not have the best reputation—"
"Deservedly so."
The words stung, but he kept any trace of that from his face. "What is left of our descendants is so far removed from what we once were, with so little left of our history; revealing who I am would be counterproductive at worst; I'd be labelled a madman at best."
He had only been awake a little over a year; there was work to be done, connections to be reforged, and power to be regained. It would take time. And once Corypheus was dealt with, he would have plenty of it.
"Counterproductive to what?" Riluan asked. "What are you planning?"
"I will undo my mistake and restore the world."
"How?"
"I haven't made it that far yet. At present, all I currently have is a goal and the bare bones of a plan."
Riluan nodded. "I served you faithfully while I lived. I considered you a dear friend."
"I considered you one as well," Solas assured him.
"I've seen where that gets people. You intended to kill me off; for that, I am... less than pleased. But you saved my daughter; as you know, there is little I wouldn't pay for that. Do me the favour of protecting her. Whatever happens with the Inquisition, with the Anchor, and whatever you plan, protect her through it. Guide her. She has the potential to be as we are, as I was. I worry about her being left alone."
Solas's eyes widened slightly at the shock. "You suspect she has your immortality?"
It would make sense. He'd given his life to bring back hers. She was essentially, only alive through his magic and the life force he had to pour into it to achieve such a feat. Her veins ran with his blood, but her heart beat with his magic, the raw magic of the spirit he once was.
"I know she does. I'm just not sure what will activate it. She is only elf-blooded, after all. But she is made of magic too."
Solas nodded. Her being elf-blooded came as no surprise to him, but where she got that elf blood from certainly did. And given her father was Riluan and the gift he'd bestowed on her to give her life at her stillbirth, it went a fair way to explaining why she was so powerful.
They were, all of them, warped creatures.
"I'd hoped to play a more active role in her life now she is within reach, but she doesn't dream in the Fade. So I turn to you."
"I am curious," Solas said. "It sounds as if her mother was... lacking. I have trouble believing you would..."
"The Candace I fell in love with was not the same one that raised Holli. After seeing her newborn daughter miraculously come back to life after being declared dead and watching the love of her life fade before her eyes, it may have led her to make decisions she wouldn't have otherwise made. It was the start of a downward spiral. I could only watch helplessly from the Fade. And even then my access was limited; the connection... janky."
"Janky?"
Riluan shook his head with a roll of his eyes. "Yes. Janky."
A word picked up from Holli's world, likely. He'd heard a few from her himself. Context helped with some of them; others required explanation.
"Holli is resilient; she's had to be. But I worry this will be what pushes her over the edge. Be vigilant. Protect her, guide her, do not sacrifice her in whatever machinations you have in mind, and I will serve you just as faithfully as I did before."
Solas nodded. "I do have need of you."
Riluan nodded. "Just name it."
Excellent. Solas hadn't anticipated this reconnection, but now that Riluan was back, he could make use of him. Even if he was relegated to the Fade.
And to watch over Holli was not a task he needed to be convinced of. He was fond of her and would have done so without being asked.
It would... pain him to meet her eye – Riluan's eyes – knowing he'd intended to send her father to his death.
That he'd survived didn't entirely alleviate the guilt.