"Can I… not go back tonight?"
For a moment, Kanade Natsukawa couldn't process what he had just heard.
The faint, almost whispered voice coming from the girl nestled in his arms took him entirely by surprise. It took several seconds before the meaning of her words sank in.
Can I not go back tonight…
Mahiru Shiina was asking—no, subtly insisting—that she wanted to stay overnight. She wanted to spend the night with him, willingly and purposefully.
Though they were boyfriend and girlfriend, and had previously shared a bed under different circumstances, this was entirely different. This wasn't a situation driven by drowsiness or a natural progression of the evening; it was a deliberate choice on her part.
"…"
As Kanade came to terms with her request, his thoughts screeched to a halt. His face flushed hot as a furnace, and his breathing grew heavier.
She wanted to stay. Did that mean…?
Even a clueless guy like him could piece together what that implied.
Nestled in his arms, Mahiru's previously relaxed demeanor had stiffened. Her body was tense, almost trembling, and her expression was a mixture of shyness and nervousness. Kanade could feel the subtle vibrations of her unease through his chest.
He hadn't expected such a request from Mahiru, whose bashful tendencies rarely allowed for bold moves. His eyes instinctively dropped to the girl in his embrace, only for her to shrink back even further under his gaze.
Buried halfway into his chest, Mahiru hesitantly looked up, her large, luminous eyes glistening with uncertainty, sweetness, and a hint of expectation. Her gaze reflected his own startled expression.
The sight made Kanade's heart pound uncontrollably, the sound of his own heartbeat drowning out all else.
Mahiru quickly averted her gaze, pressing her face against his chest as if to escape.
Kanade opened and closed his mouth several times, struggling to find the right words. Eventually, he managed to squeeze out a hesitant response, his voice trembling with emotion:
"Umm… wh-what do you mean by that?"
"I-I mean exactly what I said," Mahiru stammered, her tone halting yet resolute. "I don't want to leave you. I want… to feel more of you, your presence."
Her fragmented words carried a sincerity that struck Kanade like a bolt of lightning.
This was bad—very bad.
Mahiru's candidness was enough to freeze Kanade in place. His brain teetered on the brink of shutdown, far beyond what he could manage.
And Mahiru wasn't done. She peeked up at him again, her soft voice continuing:
"It's just… it's not enough. These past two days, I've been holding back… I want to spend more time with you."
"I… I feel the same," Kanade replied, his voice cracking as he struggled to maintain composure. "But wouldn't… wouldn't that be kind of, um, risky?"
As someone who prided himself on being rational, Kanade found himself caught between logic and instinct. He was a healthy teenage boy with a very cute girlfriend, and the situation they were in—alone, with no one to interrupt—was dangerously tempting.
Despite his strong will, Kanade could already feel the cracks forming in his self-restraint. The very idea of being with Mahiru like this stirred a primal urge to embrace her fully, to devour every bit of her sweetness.
But maybe… just maybe, she didn't mean it that way.
What if she simply didn't want to leave, and wasn't prepared for anything beyond that?
The possibility made him hesitate further. Kanade didn't want to prioritize his own desires over Mahiru's feelings. She likely trusted him enough to stay, but that trust was also what made him so reluctant to cross any lines she hadn't explicitly approved of.
Still… they were a couple. Would it really be so wrong to take things a step further, just a bit earlier than planned? After all, Kanade had already decided that Mahiru was the only one for him, the person he wanted by his side for the rest of his life.
But even so, saying it outright felt too shameless.
"S-So… as boyfriend and girlfriend, it's not unusual to spend the night together, right? That's… normal, isn't it?" Kanade's voice faltered, his words growing less confident with each syllable.
"You're saying we're not a normal couple?" Mahiru asked, lifting her head to fix him with an unreadable gaze.
"That's not what I meant!" Kanade hastily waved his hands, panicking. "I just mean… uh, we haven't been dating that long, right?"
"…But we've already stayed overnight at your place before. And now you're saying this?" Mahiru's voice carried a note of playful reproach, though her eyes betrayed a hint of amusement.
"Uh…"
Kanade had no comeback. She was right—they'd already crossed the threshold of sharing a bed once.
Then, Mahiru hit him with the ultimate weapon: an accusingly plaintive look, her large, watery eyes staring up at him.
"Do you… hate the idea that much?"
"Of course not!" Kanade immediately denied, his voice almost too loud.
In fact, the truth was the opposite—he liked her so much that he was afraid. If Mahiru wasn't ready for the kind of intimacy staying over implied, any misstep on his part would feel like forcing her into something she wasn't comfortable with.
He loved her deeply and wanted to cherish her. That meant respecting her pace and letting things progress naturally.
Having accidentally blurted out his denial, Kanade winced at how loud he'd been. He glanced at Mahiru, whose expression had frozen in surprise.
Quickly gathering himself, Kanade felt the need to clarify.
"I'd never hate something like that. Honestly, I'm happy—really happy—that you'd want to stay with me. It makes me feel so lucky, and I'd love to spend every night falling asleep and waking up by your side."
At the word "every night," Mahiru's face turned a shade of crimson so vivid that Kanade wondered if he'd gone too far. Still, he kept his eyes on hers, trying to convey just how much he wanted her to stay.
"But…" he continued, his tone softening. "I don't know what might happen, and I don't want to seem too… hasty or pushy. Mainly, I just… don't want to do anything you're uncomfortable with."
Mahiru's lips parted slightly, but she didn't interrupt as he finished. His eyes searched hers as he asked, "Have you considered what staying over might mean? Do you really trust me not to do anything?"
It felt a bit unfair to push the responsibility onto her, but Kanade couldn't help but feel exasperated. Since when had his angel turned into someone who teased him so mercilessly?
"I trust you," Mahiru said earnestly, her tone leaving no room for doubt.
Kanade Natsukawa blinked in stunned silence at Mahiru Shiina's unhesitant reply:
"Because I trust you."
Her response left no room for doubt. It was clear now—her request was pure, made with complete confidence that Kanade wouldn't betray her trust. She simply wanted to spend the night together, sharing the same space.
Kanade took a deep breath, steeling himself. He resolved to honor her wish, to maintain his composure and keep his instincts in check. No matter how tempting it might be, he would ensure the evening stayed innocent.
But just as he began preparing his mind to resist, Mahiru poked his arm and spoke again, her voice quivering yet resolute.
"Don't misunderstand, Kanade. I'm not saying that I'd use your trust against you or anything. I just mean… if your wish is… to have me… it's okay. I'll accept it—head-on!"
"…Huh?" Kanade's jaw dropped.
Mahiru's face was as red as the setting sun, yet her amber eyes sparkled with a mix of determination and vulnerability.
"You… would take responsibility, right?" she asked, her tone soft but unwavering.
"Of course!" Kanade exclaimed with all the conviction he could muster. "As a man—and as your boyfriend—I swear I would never act irresponsibly!"
"Then there's no problem, right?"
"Uh… I guess not?" Kanade replied, thoroughly baffled.
Was this really okay? No—this had disaster written all over it.
It didn't feel like Mahiru was offering him peace of mind. If anything, it felt like she was encouraging him, albeit in a roundabout way, to cross the very line he was trying to avoid!
"…"
Mahiru gave him a soft, trusting smile as if she were leaving everything in his hands. Kanade's heart skipped a beat, and he felt the weight of her expectations pressing down on him.
I can't let her down, he thought, though anxiety churned in his stomach.
Mahiru continued to cuddle against him, her confidence evident in the way she carried herself. Yet, when their eyes met again, her composure cracked. A hint of bashfulness returned as she glanced away, murmuring:
"If… if something does happen… I just hope… you'll be gentle."
With that, she nestled deeper into his chest, her warmth radiating against him.
Kanade was torn between embarrassment and elation. Without a word, he tightened his embrace around her, hoping his actions could convey what words couldn't.
How am I supposed to handle this?!
Even though he'd agreed to let her stay, Kanade was starting to feel the gravity of the situation. As he tried to calm down, the reality of what could happen tonight loomed larger in his mind.
Yes, Mahiru had said she'd accept him. But her original request was simply to stay the night, to fall asleep together. His rational mind was at war with his instincts, and the balance was tilting precariously toward the latter.
If not now, then when?
A small, mischievous voice in his head whispered that this was the perfect moment to take things further. If he let it slip by, he might never find a more ideal opportunity. But Kanade quickly shut down that line of thought.
His inner demon might have been screaming, but Kanade knew that acting on impulse wasn't the answer. If things went wrong, the consequences wouldn't just affect him—they'd impact Mahiru, too.
Taking a deep breath, Kanade made a desperate attempt to steer the conversation elsewhere.
"So, um… would you want to go home and take a bath first? I don't have your usual shampoo here, after all…" he suggested awkwardly.
Mahiru's body stiffened against him.
"…!"
Kanade immediately realized his mistake.
Given the context of their conversation, the suggestion to "take a bath" could easily be misinterpreted. From Mahiru's perspective, it probably sounded like a poorly disguised attempt to rush things along.
Kanade's heart sank as Mahiru's expression froze.
"I—I didn't mean it that way!" he stammered, trying to salvage the situation.
Mahiru remained silent, her delicate fists clenching slightly as if mustering her courage.
"Kanade…" she said softly, lifting her head to meet his eyes. Her embarrassment seemed to melt away, replaced by a calm determination.
"Huh?"
"…Couples… bathing together… isn't that normal?"
"…!!"
Kanade's mind went blank.
"Together" meant…
There was no room for doubt. Bathing together implied being completely bare before each other—no barriers, no excuses. It wasn't like casually helping someone wash their back; it was an intimate act that left no part of them hidden.
Kanade had thought he could handle lying beside Mahiru without giving in to his desires. As long as he reminded himself to treat her with love and care, he could stay composed.
But this was different.
If they were to bathe together, Kanade knew there'd be no turning back. He'd lose himself completely, reveling in the softness and warmth of her bare skin.
The little restraint he had left would shatter entirely.
Kanade swallowed hard, his voice finally breaking the tense silence.
"Y-You're kidding, right? That's… a joke, isn't it?"
"Why would I joke about something like this?" Mahiru tilted her head, feigning innocence.
"…"
Kanade's heart raced as he looked at her, torn between disbelief and anticipation.
The scales of rationality and desire had never tipped so far before.