You can get discouraged many times,
but you are not a failure until you begin to blame somebody else and stop trying.
....
My mentors used to say things that sounded like wisdom.
Back then, I swallowed their words whole, thinking they were armor.
"Whether you do good or bad, people will judge. Even if you stand still, they'll still measure you and find you lacking. It's your job to protect yourself from whatever they throw at you."
Those words have been echoing in my head ever since I woke up in this world.
And honestly?
It's starting to piss me off.
Lynn already lived his chapters in this story.Already died for their justice
And apparently, that wasn't enough. No, the punishment here is eternal execution wasn't a conclusion; it was a damn prelude.
But that wasn't enough for them.
No.Once isn't enough. They'll keep dragging the corpse of a mistake until nothing remains but the echo of blame.
That's their creed: "Let him suffer, even after he's dead."
They don't want justice. They want permanence. Blame him till the end of days. Keep the wound open. Salt it every morning. That's their version of closure.
I've barely existed here long enough to breathe, and already I've been labeled , judged, and hung in people's minds like a warning poster.
Maybe this is what happens when you try to exist in someone else's shell.
Sometimes I wonder if this is a curse.
Or a joke.
Maybe the gods got bored and decided to scribble me into the margins of someone else's tragedy.
After i met with Vahel,that feeling kinda bloomed.
Like I'd walked into a story already written, whose role is just to be the scapegoat.
Why? Because I carry Lynn Blake's name now?
Apparently now, that's enough to make me the villain.
Even Lynn knew how this story would end. He accepted the shallow grave they dug for him.
But me?
I'm just a man who woke up in another's skin, with aching bones and a stupid, stubborn hope that maybe,just maybe this could all make sense someday.
I've already died once.
If this is my second life, I'll be damned if I crawl through it on my knees, asking strangers to decide if I deserve to exist.
Which brings me to now
And now?
Another stranger.
Another blade.
Another pair of eyes staring through me like I'm already rotting in a coffin.
She stands a few feet away, balanced and still, but too precise to be relaxed. Her breath is quiet, but not calm. There's something in her coiled, bitter. Her smirk doesn't reach her eyes.
"You done playing already?" she asks, voice like honey laced with glass.
"Just because you claim you don't remember doesn't mean your actions vanish, Blake boy."
"Blake boy," I echo, dryly.
The title lands soft, but carries weight. Dismissal disguised as familiarity.
She twirls a dagger between her fingers an easy, casual threat and pulls another from somewhere less pleasant.
"But don't give up yet," she says, flashing teeth in a grin that's almost too polished.
"That would ruin my fun.
Last time,the Church got to you first. This time?
The world's handed you back to me with a bow on top."
I tilt my head slightly. "So we're both working on our second chances.
Isn't that sweet."
Her eyes flicker.
I could lie. I could invent memories I don't have, spin a web of repentance or remorse. But something in her gaze warns me she doesn't want lies.
She wants to confirm her hatred.
So I give her the truth.
"Are you absolutely certain I'm the one who killed your friends?"
She pauses. Just a breath.
"I remember it as clearly as I remember this moment," she says, voice flat.
"Well… sorry to say, Miss Elya…" I raise my voice just slightly.
"I DON'T."
I lift my hands,not in surrender.
Just open. Honest. Empty. I'm not here to fight. Not unless I have to.
"I don't know you. I don't know what happened. And if I did what you think I did… then maybe I deserve whatever this is. But if I didn't? If this is all built on a story passed around too many times…"
I leave the sentence unfinished. Let it dangle like a frayed thread. Her choice whether to cut it or tie it.
She says nothing. But her stare sharpens, searching. Not just for guilt no. She's hunting regret.Something to anchor her hate.
But I don't give her that.
I stay still. Steady.
And that unsettles her more than any apology would have.
"You've had your say," she finally mutters. "Seeing you now… confirms what I suspected. Cowardice, through and through."
"Coward?" I tilted my head. "That's a new one. Honestly refreshing. I've been called worse this week."
Her smirk flickered, just for a second.
"You're good at fooling people."
"But not you" I said.
I think you are a bit more clever.
If I can end this peacefully,I'll drag this farce as long as I have to."
"You think this is peace?" she snarls.
I think you're trying to convince yourself you still feel righteous."
I can see it. She grips her dagger tighter.
"Sorry to say, but i am.
I never set out to deceive. I barely even know who I am. But if you're going to pass judgment, start with the people around here. They wear more masks than I ever could."
I nod toward her.
"And you, Elya. You stand here with your blades, threatening someone half-dead, drained, with no defense.
What does that make you? Brave?"
"You ....damned ...son ...of..a"
She stepped forward.
"Not denying that. But it's getting boring, don't you think?"
Her face changed.
She smirks, a mockery of grace.
"Guess losing your mana made you desperate to live, Blake boy,"
she sneers.
"It's funny. You cost your mother her life. A sign, maybe, that even fate didn't want you."
That one... stings, don't know why.
I feel it somewhere behind the ribs.
I didn't show it.
"Everyone would've preferred if she lived. Your father. Your siblings. Even me."
I smiled. It's brittle. "Well. That's... touching."
"You were talented, weren't you?
But then came the mistake. That brilliant 'blunder' that dragged your whole family into shame.
You're a broken piece of trash now. Honestly, you should've stayed dead."
My mouth opens slightly. Not to argue. To breathe.
"That look," she scoffs.
"Can't handle the truth?"
"No" I whisper.
"Just wondering how much lower you plan to go."
She ignores me.
"I hoped provoking you might jolt your memory. Guess I need to dig deeper."
She leans forward.
"You've become pathetic. That pride you used to flaunt?
Gone...mmm?
Even your father would mourn what you've become.
Oh ...he must be weeping inside"
"Funny" I say coldly. "I don't recall asking for his tears."
She keeps going. Like someone who doesn't know how to stop once they taste blood.
She leaned forward, mocking.
"And your jealous siblings? They're celebrating.
Especially your brother."
"…Brother?"
She grinned.
"Oh, you don't remember that either.
He is someone who hates you.
Just like your sister.
He's the one who appointed me to this house.
Said to send you straight to hell the moment you would open your eyes."
Each word hits like a slow, calculated knife. But I don't bleed.
Not on the outside.
"You are defective, right?
That's what we call things that don't meet expectations.
What, not responding ?
Is your pride dead now?
Everyone hoped for someone to shatter this house's peace.
And look who showed up: the broken heir.
You're the proof that even trash has uses."
I exhaled slowly.
"…Anything else?"
She raised a brow.
"Creative. You've really nailed the poetry of cruelty."
I have to say it honestly ,since she basically told alot of information for free.
"You're not even angry?"
"Oh, I'm livid," I say, voice flat.
"I just don't see the point in yelling at you."
She sneers. "My plan was to make you attack me. I wanted to kill you in self-defense. But now? One flick might be enough. Why waste the effort?"
"That's what you're doing now, right?
Wearing me down. With words."
She clapped, both blades chiming.
"Your brain must've started working after you lost your magic.
But I'm curious, so indulge me..."
She smiles, tilting her blade against her cheek.
"How did you come back? Divine spells don't fail. Not even the worst demons survived one.
So what did you do?"
I say nothing.
"Oh, I know.
You sold your pride, didn't you? Bartered your soul just to crawl back. That's the only answer."
I stare at her.
Unmoving.
Then I raise one hand, slowly, and cover my face. As if shielding something not from her but from myself.
The silence thickens. Her grin wavers, just a little.
And when I speak again, my voice is hollow.
Like wind blowing through ruins.
"I think, Elya... that your obsession with my downfall says more about you than it ever will about me.
Her expression changed to mild surprise.
"What ?Ms.Elya
Can't handle some facts?"
But I wasn't thinking about her words anymore.
I was thinking about him. About Lynn.
How must he have felt?
When he choose to perish away after living through this....wicked shit for 2 lives.
To crawl his way through all these
constant.....blaming and then, knowing what was waiting for him, still make the choice to return?
Even though I choose to come here in his stead ,now I am starting to wonder how much restraint had he showed me when he realised that he is letting someone else take his role.
It's easy to say, but if I was in Lynn's
place, that must have felt like worse than shit.
He let go of his shame,because he had to.And that… is worse than anything I've had to feel so far.
I placed my hand over my face, closed my eyes. Breathed in slow. Let the air burn in my chest.
I kept my hand on my face,kept my eyes closed.
"You are right,Elya.
If I did something like that to come back here,then I must have been desperate.
But if my previous self choose to came back here , in this state I am now... what does that imply?"
I moved my fingers and saw her figure through the gap.
"It means I was confident that i can pretty much deal with all of you even without any mana.
Considering you waited to take your shot at me only when I become powerless.
Shows the truth itself.... without the need of me to even say it"
Her expression changed
But i didn't care.
"Defective product.huh.?
I can see pretty much clearly now.
You and all other idiots combined ,waited for so much but couldn't pull off shit against me.
Until I myself present you guys with a chance.
And what now, I basically needed to nerf myself for you to make a move.
That's worst... than pathetic.
Wouldn't you agree, Miss Elya?"
She didn't answer. Her jaw was tight now. Her grip on the blades too rigid, too unnatural.
If i need to live this life in someone else's plot,I need to stop my easy going nature from this moment.
I let out a slow breath and calmly brought my right hand to my chest. Closed it into a fist, resting over my heart. A faint, dry smile touched my lips.
"My condolences for your friends. Truly. But I didn't kill them."
I raised my gaze to meet hers.
"Your brain doesn't have the room to understand that yet. But it will. Eventually."
I took another step. Close enough now that she could see the truth in my eyes.
"But until that day comes, I'll offer you something simpler, something your mind can grasp."
And then, without another word, I lifted my closed right hand toward her face and unfurled my middle finger.
"Just please… fuck offfff .....for now."