We were on our way to St Aurthur forest. I didn't know why exactly it was names that knowing it had no real relation to the figure but all in all everyone knew this place. As I rested my head on the seat I had two things to worry about. I wanted my best friend back and I prayed she was safe.
Secondly I wanted to hope that nothing was going to erupt between these two important men to me. One who knew me when I was at my lowest and breaking point. Who gave me an escape from reality when I had needed it the most. Had held me when I was on the verge of giving up on myself.
The other had Me in his grasp since the day I laid my eyes on him. Yes we fought. Yes we still had that old found hatred hidden deep inside. But at the same time. The attraction and the connection was there. I tugged he pulled. I fell he fell with me. His existence was a hindrance to the life I had once wanted for myself. I didn't want a man being the excuse for all that work I out into myself.
Did I want that ruin? Yes. Would it cost me everything? Emotionally? Mentally? Well fuck yes. But that was merely intrusive thoughts, I was overthinking again.
"You cant let go...and I can't...what does that show?" I raised a brow and turned to Tim. What was he talking about this time? His hand slipped into mine his fingers warm against the spaces between mine.
"Tim what are you talking about?"
"This," pointing at our joined hands, "this is poisonous. I let you go at your own free will and yet when I feel you slipping away I'm at a state of panic. I don't understand I don't love you. Yes, I care for you but nothing more." His whispers reached my ears clear as day as Jenna and Q were up front taking the wheel. As odd as Tim sounded I knew what he was talking about.
It's like out intertwined fingers. Not matter how many fingers I try to get off he was still stronger than I was. The result would be I'd get out but after how long? The struggle of having free him from me.
"We let the poison spread I just got a method that was further from the one you'd expect and I escaped it. But not completely. The toxins never truly leave your body."
He didn't answer me and he knew I understood him and he understood me.
I lifted my head and slowly slipped my hand away from Tim's. This is one thing we never established since we had been in a S&M relationship before, we never truly had a ground on what we were. I didn't love him or thought I didn't when we decided to break things off. When we broke it off the void he had filled opened up again.
"We might be camping out at an old motel that's nearby. It's for passer Byers around here. That cool with everyone?" Q asked and we all answered with quiet "Yeah's" and we pulled up.
The building looked fairly new and freshly painted. Thank god I thought we were going to stay in some horrific old looking thing. We unpacked and got out of the car to have Q immediately crowd me.
"Hey not-" I started then as the rest walked he cupped my face with one hand and had me looking at him. Those deep brown eyes suited him in every way. Well fuck.
"We get the same room." He says and my head immediately makes a motion to shake but his grip on my face wouldn't let me.
"Let go!" I said and he set me free. Confused I started to walk away but he caught my arm again. And had me still.
"I want to show you something. It's of your interest trust me. So....we share a room." A chill ran up my spine at his words and how he said them. It was the feeling when a child had something excited to give you or show you that you just had to see. I nodded and a smile spread across his face. I still felt uneasy, even when I settled in a room with him knowing full well I didn't know what we thought of each other. Lovers? No. Friends? No...Venice get real.
Captive and captor? More like. I had no hold of my own with him here.
"Q we won't do anything we aren't prepared for....is that clear?" I didn't want complications. I already had too many with Tim. Not him too...especially not him. Please. I never got an answer. I got hit with the sight of color yellow flashing from his bag.