Chapter 32: Reason
Alexander sighed tiredly as he rested his sweat filled back against the icy walls of the cave that him and Arbus had sought shelter in.
Over an hour had passed since they had encountered the puppy that had pursued them through the frozen ravine.
After the ambush by the mutated puppies — and the possible death of most of the trainees, he had seriously considered quitting the mission. Ultimately, he decided against it. Arbus didn't seem like he had any intention of quitting, so naturally he couldn't either. He also didn't want to give up his dream of becoming a Renegade so easily. He wouldn't let Bastain have the satisfaction of knowing he was right.
Stopping now only meant failing the exam, which would make the last few months almost meaningless.
They decided to take shelter for now in this cave to wait out the giant mutated puppies who were still running around, hunting each and every one of the trainees.
After a while, Alexander decided to distract himself, turning his thoughts to Arbus's ability.
After he had officially joined the Renegades a few months ago, Bastain had sent him another message explaining why Arbus had been allowed to become a knight after all this time. For some reason, he left out the fact that Arbus had an ability, which made Alexander quite furious.
Bastain had told him that Arbus was the one responsible for killing the Reincarnator that massacred Terytl-b, a planet in this star system. Alexander had found that news hard to believe after watching Arbus for the last few months.
Arbus was most definitely strong. In fact, Alexander wasn't sure if either him or Jet could beat him in a straight up battle. While both of them had been given better training than him at one point or another, he didn't think it would matter in the end. That was because Arbus possessed something they lacked: real battle experience.
That was only natural considering Arbus had been a sentry for over nine months while the two of them were allowed to simply skip that tedious process, to Alexander's displeasure.
Even with all that, he still couldn't understand how Arbus, someone only marginally stronger than him, could defeat a Reincarnator without a Heart shard.
Now he did.
Arbus's partial immortality wasn't something Alexander would have ever anticipated.
It didn't mean that much right now due to the "Negation" that every high ranking Renegade had, but it opened up countless possibilities for the future.
Alexander understood his brother's thought process quite well. He was starting to understand his plans for Arbus somewhat.
He then thought about the possible implication of a discovery like this.
It essentially meant that the Reincarnators could sire countless offsprings with powers just like theirs. This was a terrifying possibility that Alexander desperately hoped that the Reincarnators hadn't realised.
If that were to happen, the Renegades would find it almost impossible to wipe them all out. They would eventually control the universe with enough preparation using this plan.
The only bright side he could find concerning this matter was that the powers of the offspring were weaker than that of their parents, according to Arbus. They also had to awaken them and weren't simply born with them.
He shook his head tiredly.
He didn't want to think about these things too much when there was very little he could do about it.
"Still... That's so broken" He murmured to himself, a bit jealous about Arbus's ability.
His was quite basic in comparison.
Suddenly, he frowned as a realization dawned on him.
"So...Is that why?" Alexander muttered, his voice cutting through the quiet.
Arbus, who was sitting beside him turned towards him with a raised eyebrow.
"Why what?" He asked curiously.
Alexander considered his words carefully before continuing.
"Is your ability.... the reason you're the way you are?"
Arbus stared at Alexander with a blank expression.
"What exactly are you talking about?"
Alexander's frown deepened. "I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about. For months, I've watched you take beating after beating from Jet, Rin, and the others without so much as a complaint."
"You act like you don't care about anything, as if you're some kind of training dummy. Was it because you could simply regenerate afterwards? Did you let them get away with all of that because the pain was only momentary?"
Arbus remained silent for several moments, his expression unreadable.
"Yes, I suppose it is." He said with a shrug.
" So what? Why exactly are you bringing this up now? We have far bigger problems to worry about"
Alexander scoffed.
"I disagree" He said as his brows furrowed.
"Did you know? That Jet and the others were planning to kill you today."
Arbus's eyes widened for several moments. A few seconds later, a somber smile appeared on his face as he chuckled. "Seriously? wow, I had no idea. Although I did have a sneaking suspicion that they were planning something"
Be shook his head in regret.
"Now I really wish we didn't get ambushed. The expressions on their faces when they failed would have been priceless to see."
Alexander continued to study him intently, causing Arbus to roll his eyes in exasperation.
"You're making this a big deal for no reason. I'm immortal, things like this are the norm for me. My pain resistance is also incredibly high so I'm not worried about people like Jet."
Alexander's gaze lingered for a moment, before he sighed.
"I see how it is. You don't value your life all that much, do you?"
"Your immortality isn't what's causing you to act recklessly, it's actually the other way around. It's the only thing that's keeping you alive.
"The way you normally act..... It's as if you're in a hurry to die"
Arbus's eyes narrowed at his words as a grimace appeared on his face.
"What are you talking about!? I can't die. How does not caring about unimportant things like their plans and harassment matter? I'm not trying to get myself killed, I have too many things I have to accomplish." he shouted despite trying his best to keep his voice down.
Arbus paused for a several moments, as his expression softened.
" I let them do what they do because I understand them. I understand their hatred and the anger they feel for me."
"Humans have laid waste to half of the known universe, either wiping out galaxies, or taking control of them. They've slaughtered countless innocent lives across the cosmos. They've caused this ever constant war that has been going on for far longer than most species have existed for."
"If hurting me gives them a little bit of control, some reassurance, a way to vent their anger..... then I can't blame them for it. I don't have any right to. I would do the exact same thing as well, if I could."
Alexander stared at Arbus with a complex expression, then asked incredulously.
"Is that what this is about? You're letting them hurt you because you believe you deserve it? Because of what people you've never even met did?"
He clicked his tongue in annoyance.
"I have no intention of answering for the countless crimes my race has secretly and openly committed. And neither should you. You're not them, and you do not represent them. You haven't done anything to deserve carrying that mental and emotional burden."
Arbus's expression turned somber.
"No, actually I have. It's not just about their crimes and sins... It's also about mine as well."
His gaze drifted outside the cave entrance, where the endless snowstorm raged violently.
After a bit, he sighed deeply. "The crimes I can't bear to live with, and yet, at the same time, I can't die because of. It's quite paradoxical, really."
Alexander stared at him silently for several moments before asking cautiously.
"...and what exactly would those crimes be?"
Arbus sighed deeply, as he thought long and hard about what he wanted to do next.
Alexander already knew so much about him, so he honestly didn't see any reason to keep this a secret from him. Bastain had never forbidden him from talking about this event either. He just never brought it up because it was too painful.
He always did his best to forget about it to no avail. He could sense that Alexander wasn't going to simply let this matter go.
Arbus hesitated for a few more seconds, then spoke suddenly.
"Fine then, I'll tell you"
He turned to Alexander, his gaze distant.
"....I'll tell you about my friend, Arora."