I can see it, from a long ways away.
The ship is coming down in a cloud of blackened smoke and fire, the screech of metal scraping against metal piercing my eardrums and rattling in my skull. The entire craft shudders with the motion. It's going down. But there's no way for me to get out of the ship.
I can see the ground coming up to meet me.
There are flashes of light outside.
Flashes of explosions.
It's all too late. I'm already too low. I'm going to die.
I can't escape.
There's a crash, the world jolts and-
My eyes fly open, and I can feel cold sweat on my back as my breath catches.
For a moment, it's like I'm in two places at once.
It was...a dream.
I'm in a cave.
Not the one that I spent so long recovering from my injuries from, but a similar one. We were moved here just last night, and while I didn't collapse on the way there this time, it was still late at night when we arrived, and the aliens sent us off to sleep.
They're...preparing for some kind of test.
I have to presume it's different from the predator run, since I don't see what the point of repeating that a year later would be. But not even Mia, with her ability to speak the language or the ability to sneak and snoop knows what we'll be facing. If she does know, she hasn't said a word, which means either they're not discussing it in her earshot, or they've told her not to say a word.
I'm...hoping for the former.
I can't imagine it'd be the latter. If it were, it would have to mean it was something that us knowing it would cause some kind of danger for us - such that Mia would actually go along with not saying anything.
And that doesn't sound like a test I particularly want to go through.
I rub my face with my hand and sigh.
I'm awake before anyone else.
We're not segregated in this one. Mia is sleeping off to my right in her cot. Hestia is sleeping against my arm - she had her own bed, but has snuck into mine at some point in the night.
I think she might be sixteen? In that range. She doesn't seem to know her own age, though. And she acts...much younger.
Eric is in this room with us this time too, snoring softly. As well as about two dozen other faces I only really know in passing, and some I don't know at all.
I'm pretty sure some of them were here for the test last year, but I didn't exactly try to memorize any faces last time.
I squint and stare out at the sky.
Like last time, the room we're in is open to the outside, like some kind of combination of window and door. It's also much too high up in the cliff face for any of us to realistically try to jump out and leave.
It's barely dawn.
That dream....
I guess it's just. Anxiety about trying to escape. Maybe not even something as specific as was in the dream - crashing back to the planet as we try to escape.
Maybe it's just...
The disbelief that we're ever really going to escape. That we'll ever see another place than this damn wasteland.
Even though we're closer than ever.
I sigh. Eric's words are echoing through my mind. 'Don't worry about what's not here yet.'
It's easy for him to say. He's always been like this - aloof and unconcerned. Mia is so cheerful and optimistic. Eric is just...he's definitely not someone I would call optimistic. But he's not bothered like I am, either. Like he's just resigned to the worst happening at all times, so when it does happen he doesn't care.
At. Least I can say I'm handling the stress and the fear of all this better than Hestia.
But that seems really like an unfair comparison. I mean. Even if she isn't a little kid, there's a lot of way she still acts like one. Enough to make me think of it, anyway.
I sigh and sink back into my new cot.
It isn't likely that getting up early will be looked fondly upon. And even if it were, there's not some wonderland of goodness out there.
I'd likely be set to do some kind of work or training - though at least it probably won't involve electrocution while we're here. Or worse, I might be dragged out of the cave and sent off to wherever we're meant to go this time ahead of everyone else.
There's no telling when we'd meet up again if I did that.
...My dreams aren't exactly an escape and reprieve right now.
But laying in bed is still better than getting up.
I can at least rest.
I take a breath and try to settle myself.
My thoughts, though...there's a part of me that wonders if I'd just have been happier to have never known about the rebels.
If it were Mia who went to that meeting instead of me. Eric and Mia might not have told me anything about it at al in that case.
What would I be thinking now, if I didn't know about the looming plan we've been working on all year. The one that could save us, could get us all back home again and end this nightmare, or could explode in our faces and make everything worse?
I'm honestly not sure if it would be worse if it got us all killed in the process or not.
I don't want to die.
I really, really don't want to die, or any of my friends, for that matter. Not even the other humans I'm here with. Not the rebels, not Ivan.
I'm not even sure I want to see my captors die.
Maybe I'm squeamish
That's not really the heart a revolutionary should have.
I just.
Want to go home.
I want to stop suffering.
I want to be free.
...Am I okay with the deaths of those aliens outside the door, if that means being free?
The thought of that is...
It's an alien world.
I don't want anyone to die.
But I want to go home more.
I'm not sure what that says about me.
I shake my head and sigh, closing my eyes finally, once more.
It would be worse for me not to know. Right? To be lying here, thinking about the upcoming test, with no real hope except a fantasy I made up in my head.
That would be worse.
It definitely, has to be, worse than knowing what's really at stake.