Okay, so...
don't usually write when things are fine.
People always assume journals are for recording joy, but I only reach for mine when something inside me itches. Too loud, too inconvenient, too real.
So, here I am.
I might have made a mistake.
A dumb one.
The kind of mistake I can't afford with my GPA, my peace, or my pride.
I think I'm falling for a guy.
Ugh. Even writing that made my face twist.
I know, I sound basic.
But you don't get it. It's not just any guy.
It's someone I shouldn't even be entertaining, let alone daydreaming about when I'm supposed to be studying or pretending to listen to Zara's wild stories.
He's new.
British.
Tall.
Deliciously sarcastic.
Sits like he owns the room. Talks like he invented charm.
And he's got this ridiculous accent that makes even his name sound expensive.
Jayden.
Yeah. That's his name. Let's just put it out there now.
He joined our friend circle two weeks ago, and from day one, it's like the universe picked the perfect design to ruin my peace. He was cool. Too cool. The kind that doesn't try to impress you, but somehow you're impressed anyway.
And now?
Now I think I'm in deep.
So, this all started on a random Thursday afternoon.
One of those boring days where you expect nothing except overpriced coffee and maybe an existential crisis or two.
My friends and I were at our usual spot: The Brew House, the campus café that somehow always smelled like burnt espresso and vanilla syrup. I had just finished my Psych class and was running on exactly three hours of sleep and a granola bar. Classic college behavior.
Zara and Maya were already at our corner booth by the window, giggling over something on Maya's phone. Tolu waved as I walked in, then whispered something that made Zara snort-laugh into her latte.
"Lily!" Maya called out, "Nice of you to grace us with your presence."
"Traffic was insane," I deadpanned, even though I walked. "Also, I was trying to decide if life is worth living today, so... sorry for the delay."
She rolled her eyes. "You need caffeine."
"I need therapy," I muttered, dropping into the seat.
And then it happened.
Right as I was about to complain about a group project that's slowly ruining my GPA and my will to live- he walked in.
He didn't just enter The Brew House, He arrived.
Like some main character with a theme song and a slow-motion effect. Tall, with this easy confidence that wasn't cocky, just... magnetic.
He wore a black hoodie, ripped jeans, and Air Force 1s. And don't even get me started on the way his jawline moved when he looked around like he was trying to find something- or someone.
Zara noticed him first. "Guys," she whispered like she was announcing a ghost sighting, "That's him."
"Him who?" I asked, sipping my lukewarm coffee.
"The new transfer," she said. "Jayden. Pre-Architecture major. Came in from Howard last month. Tolu's roommate has a class with him."
Oh, right. The infamous Jayden.
I'd heard whispers about him on campus.
Apparently, he DJs at parties, runs a study group on Wednesdays, and has already been asked out by two TAs.
Then, because the universe likes to put me in humiliating situations, Maya stood up and waved him over.
"Maya, what are you doing-"
"Jayden! Over here!"
He walked over. He smiled. I blinked.
And yes! His smile had no business being that pretty. It was one of those smiles that made you forget your own name and think, "Maybe I could emotionally risk it all."
"Hey," he said, voice smooth but casual. "Maya said I could sit?"
And before I could even say anything, Maya scooted over and said, "Of course! Lily, move."
He sat beside me.
Beside. Me.
I tried to act like I wasn't affected. Like my entire bloodstream hadn't just switched to a higher voltage.
I smiled. Tiny, polite and said, "Hi."
That's it. Just "Hi."
Because what else do you say to a guy who looks like he smells like good decisions and heartbreak?
We talked. He was cool. Too cool, honestly. He asked questions, remembered names, and actually listened when people spoke. Disgusting, right?
And that was the beginning.
The beginning of the situation I now find myself in... spiraling headfirst into something that feels like way more than just a crush.