Next morning
Again Allen didn't slept the whole night. He felt helpless but full because he respect her decision but he also believed that she also…love him.
In the hall room, Lady May was already sitting on the settee when Allen join her.
"You are looking upset from yesterday-what happened?" Lady May asked showing sincerity.
Allen didn't said anything but understand it.
"She said no" Lady mary said more that asking as if she felt it already.
"She said she don't love me."
"And you believed, really?" Lady May asked
"Yeah, because i didn't want her to make uneasy" Allen replied.
"Even if she said it but she couldn't declined it that-she loves you. She is scared Allen-scared that she can't give you the happiness and the love you deserve. She fear that she will hurt you-"
"I know" Allen replied cutting her word.
Silence.
Then-
" Then why you let her go" Lady May asked.
"Because i want to give her time- time to understand that she isn't a burden for me but she is the most beautiful and sacred thing i ever have, she is the light which fill the dark in my life and she is the most important thing i have" he paused for a second then added " i don't want her to love me back if she couldn't but i just want her to be with me-for each other"
Silence-again.
"Allen! I don't think she ever get anyone even half of you who loves her not just as a man but as a soul-except you." Lady May claimed.
"I don't know and … i don't want anyone to love her more than me because- i don't want anyone to take her away from me" he paused for a second looking in the ceiling and then added "Don't you think i am beings selfish?"
"No, i don't think so because being selfish in love is more far better than claiming someone ours" Lady May murmured.
After some minutes.
Lady May was going to Ellara's chamber and opened the door.
Ellara was still on her bed-slepping.Lady May went near her bed and sit on the edge of the bed.
"Ellara, my little child-why are you so stubborn and couldn't see the love of Allen." Lady may said and when she lift her hand to cup Ellara's cheek, she froze.
In the hall Allen heard the scream of Lady May coming from Ellara's Chamber.
He rushed towards her room and saw Lady May fell on the ground on her knees.
"Lady May! What happened" He asked going towards her.
"She…she is no…no more. She is not with her now" Lady May murmured with hollow voice.
Allen froze there for a second then knelt on the ground beside Ellara's bed. He cup her cheek which was cold and her pulse was not working.
He suddenly hugged as if he wasn't ready for all of this-he couldn't or he just couldn't accept it that… she is not here with him.
He sobbed hard.
"Ellara! I… i just don't let you go like this! How could you left me alone like this. I didn't knew that confessing you will lead things like this-i am sorry that i wasn't here when you were-you were in pain-i was just selfish amd just thought about myself. I am sorry…sorry Ellara. Please…please come back-i promise to never bother you and never hurt you again…please."
"Allen" Lady May sobbed, putting her hand on his shoulder.
" I just…i just wanted to tell you that i…i love you-that i want to live the rest of my life with you. I just…i just wanted to make you smile again" Allen claimed.
And then, he kissed her on her forehead.
"Tell me you are acting-tell me you wake up and say you were just wanted me to worry-tell me."Allen whispered.
But there was just silence.
On the evening, after doing all the funeral ceremony he came to her empty chamber where just her pantings was hanging on the wall.
Then while tracing the paintings on the wall-he found a small diary named secrets or the sacred love-under her pillow.
He opened it and on the first page-there it was-his name. He flipped the second page-
So it's me-Ellara.
Today, i met him first time. I heard many rumours about him but he isn't like any of them-he is gentle, kind and caring. He is like someone i never met and the one i always wanted to.
*****
Today, he gifted me a gown because he spilled Tea on my dress. He is gentle and care too much for the people around him and i think-i start liking him.
******
Today is a function in our Mansion but he still didn't come yet. My mother is pregnant and i want to talk about it with him that how excited i am.
*******
I didn't have mind but even i am writing-I…i lost everything-my father, my mother, my sibling and…my legs. He protected me but… i think he felt guilty for not able to protect them. I just want to tell him that it's not his fault, it's…it's just… my tears are falling now and i don't know what to-
Allen suddenly closed the dairy and tried to feel the weigh of her words.
From a long time he was just guilty that he couldn't save Duck Fliyer and duchess Ryana.
He opened the dairy again.
*******
He is going now today for the war and i don't know when he return. I am sad that i will not get time with him but i am also happy that he is fighting for his land and i am proud of him.
A faint smile formed on his lips.
*******
Today, i send him a letter because there is something important i wamt to tell him-something which is very important to him to know.
*********
Today i saw him after so long and when he saw me-he just hugged me tightly-the warmth of his hug was still the same-quiet but comfortable.
*******
Today…he confessed his love to me amd i was-very happy more than anything in my life but i hurt him-i just didn't wanted him to hurt him, to people say that he marry a lave-i want him to marry someone who make him happy-not the one who always make me worry-so i said i don't love him. But it's not only the reason i said no but because i have a disease-
Allen's eyes widen on that word.
-and i don't know how long i will survive-maybe 2 or 3 months more or maybe…just today. I never told anyone about it-not even lady may or to him because i didn't want them to worry but not it's hard for me to face it. Sometimes blood bleed from my nose and sometimes it hurt so much but it's always me_alone. I…i love him so much that i…i don't want to hurt him and i love him so much. I just want to tell him that he is my first love and my last also.
Allen hugged the diary tightly on his chest and closed his eyes to feel her word and somewhere he was happy that she also loved him but also sad that he is not with him now.