Selene~
I always asked myself why no one tried to protect me back then. My agency, my friends, not even my colleagues who knew how brutal the entertainment industry was. No one came to my aid.
I was eighteen, a new adult, but in the eyes of the world, I was still a child.
"He abandoned me," I said slowly as I took control of myself. Christopher just watched me without a word, just like he'd done all night.
"You can talk to me whenever you want," he finally said.
I blinked. "Wow, thanks. That's… comforting."
His attention went back to my laptop as if I had not just broken down in front of him. And that response, it seemed robotic, he said it without a single emotion in his eyes. I wouldn't say I knew him well enough but he was one to take a joke, or even say something sarcastic in return, but there was no such thing.
Something was wrong with him, and knowing him, he wouldn't tell me even if I asked.
I finally managed to sleep off, despite the continuous ringing of my phone and the noise coming from the movie Christopher was watching.
I dreamt of that night, or what I could remember of it. Luca, Selene, Lena, myself and a few more faces that I couldn't remember, we were all there, in private room, partying, under the kind of soft yellow light that made everything feel too intimate and exposed. There was laughter, lots of it, dancing, drinking. Though the music was low, the tension was high. Luca and I stepped out, went into an even more private room, though we could still hear the muffled music behind the door. We were alone, just the two of us.
That was what I had thought at the time.
I woke up with a start, cold sweats was breaking out on my skin even though the weather was cold and I was not being covered with a blanket. Christopher's quiet breath came from beside me, he had taken it upon himself to sleep right next to me on the bed. He didn't stir, he was still asleep.
I sat up and scanned my apartment for any changes. The thought of a camera lurking in the corner always suffocated me. This was not the first time I'd be dreaming about that night and it wouldn't be the last, best to suck it up and live with it.
I stood up from the bed and was on my way to my small kitchen, which was really at one side of my apartment to make breakfast when his voice made me jump.
"Bad dream?"
I turned back to look at him. He looked wide awake and not at all sleepy, which made me wonder if he was sleeping at all when I woke up.
"Yeah," I whispered and continued my journey to the kitchen. "You want some toast for breakfast?"
I didn't really have anything else to offer him. I also didn't want to offer him anything else.
"You kept whimpering his name," he suddenly said.
I sighed. My dream was… explicit but that was none of Christopher's business. It was solely mine and I could choose to keep it to myself, which was exactly what I was going to do.
I ignored his comment and tore open the toaster's latch. I watched him slowly get off the bed out of the corner of my eye. He still looked effortlessly handsome early in the morning.
"You don't have coffee, do you?" he asked as he walked towards where I was. He didn't even wait for a response before he started rummaging through my cabinets without permission.
"I prefer to drink my problems away," I replied.
He let out a short breath. "Of course, you do."
I placed two slices of bread into the toaster but I couldn't help but be more aware of his presence especially when he's leaning in too close to me as if he was waiting for me to talk.
"When are you leaving?" I asked.
"Not anytime soon. Get used to me."
The toast popped so I focused on that instead of his agitating voice. I placed the toast on a clean plate and almost immediately, he took a slice without asking.
But to be fair, I did make it for him.
"I'm not him," he said after he took a bite. "I'm not Luca."
I raised an eyebrow. Where did this come from?
I crossed my arms as I eyed him carefully. "Did I say you were?"
He shrugged. "You can trust me."
I laughed. I didn't mean to but I did. I couldn't trust him, I knew that. I mean, this was someone who was using the gaps in my memories for his own personal gain. He keeps convenient secrets and always tells half truths. To be honest, I wasn't sure I believed a single thing he said about who he was but it was better to have something to hang on to.
"A werewolf, huh?"
I had said that out, I hadn't meant to but I did. I went back to buttering the toast, it felt safer than eye contact.
"You're hiding something," I said as I focused my attention on the toaster and the bread in front of me.
"So are you."
The silence that followed wasn't uncomfortable, but I couldn't say it was comfortable either. I made him breakfast and he watched me without saying a word.
The silence stretched on, even till we got to the set. We were on a tight schedule and as such, we would need to hurry up with filming which meant spending more time on set with everyone.
Thankfully, CGI was to be incorporated in all of the scenes as time was not enough to travel to different locations to shoot. The movie was not a long one, a short film, based on a very popular book. That meant expectations were very high, especially from the fans of the original story.
I'd been in productions before but the tension for this particular movie was particularly high, I didn't want to think that it was because of my involvement but critics had already started to paint the movie in a bad light because of me.
I planned to shut them up with my acting, well, acting.
Christopher didn't let out silence affect his deal with me. He still met with me before shooting started and worked his magic, and like always, I blacked out.
I came to when the director said, "Cut! That's a wrap for today."
From the scenery, it was very late out. I blinked slowly, and all of a sudden, I felt exhausted. Crew members were already packing up and murmuring. The rumors had already died down, both on the internet and on set. No one was talking about the video of me that was uploaded anymore but there was still criticism about my role in the movie.
I sat on a chair in the dressing room as I tried to remember what scene we just shot. My throat hurt, almost like I'd been screaming or crying. I felt like a fake. Could I still call myself an actor if I didn't even act out my scenes by myself? I had said I would practice but I hadn't done that once since I got this role.
I sighed and slipped into my regular clothes as I left the dressing room. The moment I stepped out, a pair of hands dragged me away and I didn't have time to react.
We stopped behind a prop, big enough to hide two people from onlookers. I turned to face him.
"Luca, what the hell..?"
I didn't finish, he didn't let me finish before he pressed his lips to mine.
I froze, I didn't know what to do. My heart was beating so loudly that I was so sure he heard it too. I wanted to push him away and slap him across his face, but alas, I was frozen in place, unable to do anything.
When he finally pulled back, we were both out of breath and he kept his eyes on me.
"We need to talk," he said. His voice was soft and sweet and everything I remembered.
I swallowed and my mind searched for words as I tried to understand what in the world had just happened. He kissed me. He had kissed me after years of ghosting me.
I should've been angry, I should've slapped him the moment his mouth met mine, I shouldn't have waited to hear him out but deep down, in the deepest parts of my heart, I missed him.
I had missed him so much that I hated myself for it.
He abandoned me when I needed him the most and here I was, playing right into his hands once again. I was pathetic, I fell in love with someone who cast me aside without a second glance and all I was thinking right now was how much I had missed his touch.
This was desperation.
I didn't say anything, my mind was all over the place.
"Let's leave here, meet me back at the alley. Make sure you're not followed," he said hurriedly and left.
I blinked.
Oh.
Of course, he didn't want to be seen with me.