If I was being honest, I was overwhelmed with his explanation at first. It took me until a few days after, that I would come to ponder those words again.
***
The first step to learning how to draw, according to Marin, was to gain an incentive to draw.
If an incentive could get you interested in something effectively enough for you to actively pursue that practice, according to the popular saying of talent being pursued interest, you would essentially be creating talent out of nowhere.
Of course, porn is an incentive. But that isn't exactly a reliable source, since sexual urges fluctuate and have varying effects. That was probably the reason why not many in the history of mankind had thought about weaponising that urge.
It was a unique power, different from both discipline or motivation. it's more like a mad dog, that has to be controlled under a tight leash.
Pressure, however, was different. It was a more reliable source of similar energy. The rush of rising to expectations and the urge to do something if you feel like people are relying on that very thing. You could even say that it's, in essence, the exact same as pornography.
How to put yourself under pressure according to Marin-sensei?
'Easy, just start posting to an audience.'
…
'Well it's easy for him to say that! He's basically a micro celebrity already!', I thought while churning my fist in the air, looking through his twitter account.
'He doesn't even repost anything or interact with others, yet his post still get so many likes and reposts!'
So even after creating an account and searching out a cute profile picture for me to use, all I could do was post a single drawing with a short description.
It was lacking in several aspects, I hadn't even tried to engage with the community. In fact, it would be preposterous to even expect any interactions. I was still just a bloody beginner.
***
"Okay class, I want you to submit your essays on Ivan Pavlov's study on classical conditioning by next Friday."
It was another psychology class, that I originally shared with Marin, in which he didn't show up. It was like he was allergic to regularly attending his classes.
I stood up from my seat, chaos ensuing as my classmates rushed out of the classroom.
" Have you heard about that new shop opening up next to campus? We have to try that one out! ", I heard one of them say to her friends.
Of course, no one came up to me, screaming about some new shop we had to visit. In fact, I doubt anyone cared about me silently packing my things.
At that moment, I could only think of myself as the eye of the storm. -Not in a cool way, where everything revolves around me, but rather in a depressing way, where everything around me is loud and lively while I sit lifelessly in the middle of it.
I may be part of the storm, but anyone could tell that I didn't belong. But I was alright with that.
All I needed was art. As long as I could become a better artist, I thought people would naturally come to respect me.
I walked awkwardly towards the exit, so that I could make it to my next class, adjusting my steps to not cross any of the tiles.
But this day was different. Unexpectedly, my stride came to a halt, as I almost crashed into the stationary girl in front of me.
"Sorry.", I spewed while looking down, almost as if apologising to the floor.
"H-Hold on!", she shouted after me.
I suddenly felt a very familiar feeling. Yes, her voice and tendency to talk to me with my back turned to her was just like the mysterious senior who stalked me before.
'Damn, when I remember the things I said on that rooftop back then, all that remains is a cold sweat running down my back.'
It was the kind of memory that would keep you up a year later when you randomly remember it.
When I turned around, I saw an uncannily short version of what a senior her age should look like, topped with her bright red hair. It was in the same category of annoyingly unnatural hair tones as Marin's hair.
Come to think of it, she was almost as short as him as well! Maybe shorter.
Still a few steps away, just enough distance to make the situation uncomfortable, she lets out another scream. "Please teach me!"
Oh. Yeah, did I forget to mention that the halls were bustling with people? Anyways, it goes dead quiet.
I can never show my face in class again.
/-/
[END OF CHAPTER ILLUSTRATION - Mysterious senior]
/-/