"Hhhhuuhhh," Drake groaned, dragging a hand down his dirt-smudged face. "I need help."
With one last glance at the claw-ravaged battlefield behind him, he stepped onto the path ahead—one that snaked toward the kingdom of Sidonia.
Birds chirped. Critters darted through leaves. He clasped his hands behind his head and strolled with a lazy grin.
"My journey's just starting, and I've got a lot to figure out in this world… but I'll survive."
He looked up.
"The only real threat? My psychotic, judgmental, pain-in-the-ass shadow system."
Silence.
"…Huh. Guess she's finally giving me a break."
He smirked.
"I've got unfinished business with fate. Until I'm done, you're stuck with me, world."
He struck a heroic pose.
"Kingdom of Sidonia—here I come!"
One Hour Later…
"Okay, this is taking a lifetime," Drake muttered, dragging his feet. His back slouched, his shoulders sagged, and his face was a portrait of boredom. "I swear I've passed that rock five times. I think I made a wrong turn."
He looked around.
"System, just in case... am I on the right path?"
DING!
[SHADOW ARSENAL SYSTEM RESPONSE]
Yes, you are. But you walk and drag your feet like a pregnant slut. Pick up the pace, moron, before it gets dark or—
The translucent screen flickered to life, glowing with scornful energy.
"Or what?" Drake asked, curiosity piqued.
Or you won't just face wolves. You'll meet something bigger, scarier, and more terrifying—like an S-Rank beast. And knowing your skill level—which is somewhere between a soggy sock and a rock—you won't make it. So move those jelly legs you call feet and get out of the forest already.
The screen blinked out.
"Sheesh… thanks, System. I don't know what I did to deserve this kind of abuse. It's so not fair."
DING!
Life isn't fair, sweetheart. Learn to flow with the rhythm.
The screen vanished again.
"Huh! What did I expect from you anyway…" Drake sighed, catching his breath.
He squinted at the sun, using nature's clock like some primitive caveman.
"Hmm… judging by the angle of that bad boy, it's gotta be past 4. Maybe. I dunno. Point is, it's gonna set soon."
Drake paused. Something rustled above. Strange red monkeys with four eyes and two tails zipped through the trees like caffeinated ninjas.
"Ohohoh… now that gives me an idea."
SWWSHH! THUD!
FWOOOM! SHHHH!
"Woooohooooo!" Drake shouted, leaping from branch to branch with a wild grin, hair whipping in the wind as he swung like a pro. "This is giving me hardcore Naruto vibes! This is how real heroes travel!"
In the forest, the celestial forest… Drake zippes from tree to tree. In the forest, the celestial forest, he zippes from tree to tree.
"Aaaaaaah weeeeeh eeeeyaaaaa, eeeeh eeh abombaweh!"
He sang the Lion King jungle anthem at the top of his lungs as if it were a battle chant.
Each leap brought the Sidonian kingdom closer into view. Past the final cluster of trees, he caught sight of a vast, open field and—yes—the stone path leading to the city gates.
"Almost there!" Drake grinned. "Who knew singing jungle songs and branch-hopping like a monkey could be so damn fun!"
With a sharp exhale, he grabbed onto a thick branch, flipped forward mid-air like a circus acrobat, spun twice, and landed with a satisfying THUD on a sturdy limb overlooking the field.
He crouched like an assassin, eyes scanning ahead.
Massive walls towered over the field—gleaming white with embedded gems that shimmered under the sunlight, each one humming with protective aura. They pulsed gently, forming a magical dome barrier above the entire kingdom.
Down below, carriages rolled toward the gates, escorted by traders and travelers. Guards in silver phoenix-emblazoned armor stood at attention, their polished swords gleaming, each one radiating an aura of battle-hardened discipline. You couldn't fart near these guys without getting stabbed in five places.
Drake whistled. "Yikes. No way I'm sneaking past those dudes."
"Hey System," he whispered. "Can I climb the walls or… sneak in somehow?"
DING!
[SHADOW ARSENAL SYSTEM]
ANALYZING...
Absolutely not. Don't be an even bigger moron than you already are. Climbing the walls is impossible. Those shimmering gems? Yeah, they're not just for show—they maintain a fully-enclosed, mana-sensitive dome barrier. You can't fly in, dig under, or phase through. You're not entering from above, below, or behind. Front gates only, genius.
The screen popped up, mocking him with every word.
"Well, that's just peachy," Drake muttered, scratching his head. "Then what do I do…?"
He rubbed his chin. "How about stealth—sneak in ninja-style?"
DING!
Wow. That's even dumber. The guards are equipped with mana-sensory gear, aura readers, and the barrier itself is set to detect anything even remotely suspicious. You'd trigger more alarms than a naked goblin breakdancing in the royal courtyard.
"So... no ID card, no entry, no stealth, and no digging. Wasn't I supposed to get, like, a traveler's pass or something?" Drake snapped. "This feels like bad game design!"
[System Screen Popped Up]
My job doesn't include handing out ID cards. Go join a guild after you get in and get one yourself.
The screen vanished.
"So much for being reliable…" Drake groaned. "What the hell am I supposed to do nooooow?!"
His shout echoed, carrying through the trees.
A nearby carriage—now stopped close to his perch—creaked open.
"Oh crap… too loud!"
He spun around, ready to retreat—only for his foot to slip on moss.
SLLIIIP!—
"Oh no—"
THWACK!
"OOOF—MY NUTS!!"
THUD-BISH!
He bounced off several branches like a ragdoll in a pinball machine, one of them catching him square in the crotch.
He landed on something soft.
"Huh?" he groaned, face buried in warmth. "That... wasn't so bad."
SQUISH. SQUISH.
His hands were gripping something. Round. Warm. Squishy.
"Mmm, maybe mushrooms?" he murmured. "No… too big. Too soft. Too—"
"Uuumm… excuse me?"
A soft, angelic voice cut through the daze.
Drake blinked.
"I'm hearing things. I must've died and gone to boob heaven…"
"Uhm. HELLO? Can you please get off me? You're... kinda heavy."
"And your hands… they're sorta on my boobs."
Drake's eyes shot open.
He was lying directly on top of a stunning girl dressed in a fantasy-styled mage outfit straight out of an anime con—tight-fitting corset under a sleeveless violet cloak, silver runes trailing down the hem. Her low-cut top clung tightly to her generous chest, which, unfortunately—or fortunately?—Drake's hands were still firmly cupping.
A pointed wizard hat sat crooked on her head. Her long lavender hair spilled out like a silky river. Her face was bright red, and her breath hitched with each second his hands stayed where they were.
"HUH?! HUH?! HUUUUUUUUUUH?!!"
Drake screamed in confusion, flailing like a man who just woke up strapped to a rocket.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"