The mission itself wasn't difficult: in the suburbs of A City, there had been an incident involving a minor immortal seeking acknowledgment – specifically, a ritual known as "讨封" (Tǎo fēng).
In Northeast China lore, there are the Five Great Immortals: Fox, Weasel (or Yellow Immortal), Hedgehog, Snake, and Rat (Grey Immortal). Legends hold that these creatures cultivate the Dao. The final step in their transformation into true immortals involves asking a predestined human a ritual question: "Do I look like a human?"
If the human answers "Yes," the creature attains human form and great power.
If the answer is "No," the creature must begin its quest anew, seeking another human.
Recently, a rat immortal haunting A City's outskirts had been ambushing solitary pedestrians late at night, asking the crucial question: "Do I look like a human?"
The twist? This rat hadn't actually reached the stage capable of achieving immortality through this ritual. It was simply obsessed, driven mad by its cultivation attempts, terrorizing innocent people in the process.
Naturally, the matter landed on the Special Anomalies Bureau's desk.
Si Wuming led the way, flagging a taxi to the outskirts. Upon arrival, he collected the receipt from the driver and carefully tucked it into his pocket.
The driver, a chatterbox throughout the ride, eyed Si Wuming's wrapped bundle curiously as he printed the receipt. "Young man, what's that you've got strapped to your back? Looks like one of those big swords from those costume dramas."
"A fire poker," Si Wuming stated without missing a beat, his expression unchanging.
The razor-sharp Tang Blade capable of shredding minor gods was thus demoted to a mere fire poker.
Yun Jianyue sucked in a breath. He's almost as good at bullshitting as I am! Remarkable!
After the taxi sped off, Yun Jianyue asked, "So how do we find this rat?"
Silently, Si Wuming drew his blade and plunged it straight down into the asphalt.
Lu Changxue, inside the jade pendant, shrieked like a startled chicken. "H-h-he… he just stabbed it right through the concrete!"
Half the blade sank into the road surface. An invisible wave, like ripples on water, pulsed outward in all directions.
Within less than two minutes, a grey rat the size of a toy poodle scrabbled up from beneath a manhole cover it had flipped open. It charged towards Yun Jianyue as if its tail was on fire, only to slam headfirst into the flat of Si Wuming's blade with a sickening thunk. Its eyes rolled back, and it collapsed, motionless.
Lu Changxue: Why does this entry feel vaguely familiar? Must be my imagination.
"You really pull off impressive stunts every time, each one more different than the last," Yun Jianyue remarked, having witnessed his flair twice now but still awed by the sheer scope of his ability to dominate a scene.
Si Wuming's dark eyes, impossibly clear against his pale skin, turned to her with genuine, bewildered confusion. They looked damp, harmless, radiating an incongruous aura of innocence.
Yun Jianyue: Fuck, he looks like a big dopey wolfhound! Doesn't he know how tempting this makes him to— [Editorial discretion exercised]
Luckily, Si Wuming remained blissfully unaware of her internal monologue. His long, pale fingers closed around the dazed rat's scruff, lifting it up.
Dangling by its destiny's collar, the rat blinked its beady black eyes awake. Taking in Si Wuming himself, haloed in blinding waves of celestial merit nearly powerful enough to sear its retinas, it snapped.
"Squeak! Squeak-squeak! SQUEEEEK!" the rat shrieked in high-pitched terror.
Yun Jianyue slapped the back of its head. "Human language. Now."
The rat whimpered, "Eeeeee!" [whimper]
Lu Changxue: A rat copying me?
"You whimper like that again, I smash your head," Yun Jianyue threatened impatiently.
Lu Changxue: Hmm, that phrasing sounds familiar. Not sure, need more context.
The rat spoke again, its voice a grating, raspy baritone. "Human! Unhand this honored immortal!"
Si Wuming casually drew his blade from the asphalt with one smooth pull. He gave it a seemingly nonchalant wave in front of the rat's nose.
"Esteemed Lord! How may this humble one serve you?" The rat's beady eyes shimmered with desperate, overwhelming survival instinct, its voice dripping with obsequiousness.
"Seek acknowledgment only after achieving profound cultivation," Si Wuming commanded flatly. He sheathed his blade, then traced a complex symbol in the air with a fingertip. It glowed faintly gold for a moment before condensing into a tiny light, zipping directly into the rat's skull.
The rat trembled uncontrollably. Who slaps cultivation shackles on a minor immortal right off the bat?! And such a vicious one! If it seeks acknowledgment prematurely – BOOM! Just like that?! Exploding a rat in front of humans isn't much better than having one talk to them!
Si Wuming, mission apparently accomplished, released the rat. Heartbroken but lightning-fast, it vanished into the nearest thicket faster than the eye could follow.
"Wait… that's it?" Yun Jianyue gestured at herself. "I smacked it once. What exactly was my official duty here?"
Si Wuming extended his hand towards her. Confused, Yun Jianyue mirrored the gesture, unsure of his intent.
Magically, he produced a travel-sized bottle of hand sanitizer. Biu-biu! He squeezed a dollop onto her palm, then another onto his own.
He disinfected us? Yun Jianyue was stunned, but her hands rubbed together vigorously.
Silent but thorough, Si Wuming pocketed the sanitizer, summoned another ride-share car, and they departed the deserted spot.
The next two weeks saw Yun Jianyue accompanying Si Wuming on multiple tasks.
Her role remained remarkably consistent: delivering a corrective slap to any disobedient demon, ghost, or spirit. Si Wuming handled literally everything else.
Honestly, she was earning money almost too easily.
And Si Wuming was unbelievably considerate. He meticulously collected every single transportation receipt, handled all the reimbursement paperwork back at the bureau!
"I declare it official," Yun Jianyue announced with deep sincerity after completing another assignment, giving Si Wuming a thumbs-up. "You are the World's Best Colleague™."
Si Wuming's lips pressed together, curling into a small, distinctly dog-like smile of pure satisfaction.
Yun Jianyue abruptly turned her head away, tilting her face upwards to stare determinedly at the sky, desperately willing the sudden rush of warmth in her nose not to become visible.
Damn it! If only I could take him down right now, I'd drag this poser straight into the bushes and—!
Just as Yun Jianyue's internal fangirling reached peak frenzy, the red thread coiled around her wrist abruptly twitched, constricting sharply.
Whoa! What's gotten into you? She tried poking the strand with a finger. The thing had been utterly inert for so long, she'd practically forgotten its existence.
Si Wuming tilted his head in dog-like perplexity at her sudden movement.
Thinking fast, Yun Jianyue threw her ghostly bestie under the bus. "Oh, just Lu Changxue. She was belting out 'The Eighteen Touches' inside the jade… extremely irritating."
Lu Changxue, previously silent as a… well, a ghost mouse… floated half her spectral head out of the pendant, radiating pure, indignant fury at the baseless accusation. Yun Jianyue promptly slapped the rebellious phantom back down inside.
Turning back to Si Wuming with a smooth, innocent smile, Yun Jianyue clarified, "See? Very disobedient."
Si Wuming frowned slightly, genuinely offering a solution. "I can impose a silence restriction. She would never speak again."
Lu Changxue erupted inside the jade, vibrating with abject dread: YUN JIANYUE! YOU HEARTLESS WOMAN! SAVE ME!
Yun Jianyue waved her hands frantically, windmill style. "No need! No need! I'll take her home and give her a stern talking-to myself!"
With that, Yun Jianyue turned and bolted.
Si Wuming watched her retreating back, his outstretched hand slowly lowering. His brow furrowed in quiet confusion.
"She plans to run back? Surely taxis were invented for a reason?"