The mall. A place I don't want to go to. A place infested with people I don't want to deal with. And yet—for some reason—I'm here. Even I wonder why.
"Ichijo."
A voice called out to me. A woman's. Although, not just any woman, unfortunately…
"You finally stepped outside, so enjoy yourself a little, yeah?" she said, latching onto my arm like she was afraid I'd vanish into thin air. She dragged me along like a half-priced mannequin on clearance.
"Big sis."
"You forced me to go here."
I tried to shake her off. No good.
"Resistance is futile!" she said triumphantly, tightening her grip. "You need more sunlight or you'll become an Ichijo zombie!"
What the hell is an Ichijo zombie.
This annoying woman is my big sister.
Amane Hotaka. Since our parents are away most of the time, she's been the one looking after me.
She wanted to go shopping. For some reason, she had to bring me too.
"You could've gone alone."
She turned to me. "I didn't want to. And you needed to come."
It's not like the world will undergo a dramatic shift just because I stepped out of the house or something.
Well. To be fair, she didn't really force me to go. If she had, I'd have gone home already. Loners are allowed to have a reason to go out as well.
The smell of paper.
The sound of turning pages.
Books perfectly aligned for display.
The bookstore.
I've been meaning to continue the book I've been reading. I just haven't had the time.
At least in here, that annoying sister of mine won't get in my way.
I scanned the shelf. My fingers trailed across the spines until they landed on a familiar cover.
"Ah, there it is."
…
After grabbing what I came for, I went to other sections—just browsing.
My eyes stopped on a book titled:
"30 Ways on how to be popular"
It wasn't all that interesting. Just something that caught my eye for a second.
But for some reason… I couldn't stop thinking about it.
Not like I cared about being popular. I chose solitude. I didn't belong.
"Oh!"
I heard a voice call out to me—again.
"Ichijo!"
I turned, expecting my sister. Though, it was not her.
"Wow, you read?"
…
"Ah, it's you, Ao."
"Of course I do. How else do I spend all my free time alone."
"You're right." She looked at the books on the shelf. "I like books as well."
"Well, it's not really liking books. I just like reading," I said.
She looks back at me.
"Isn't that the same?" she said, tilting her head.
"Would you say that you like drawing because you like artworks?"
"Well…" she paused, trying to fight back with logic—then gave up. "You're right." Her shoulders sank like a cartoon character's defeat pose.
"What are you doing here anyway, Ichijo?"
"Well—"
"Ichijo!"
What is it this time?
Seriously, why does everyone suddenly want to talk to me?
Ah.
It's my sister.
"Oh?" she said. "Ichijo, who's that girl?" she said, patting my back—not gently, maybe too hard.
She just had to show up. Convenient.
I turned back to Ao. "I'm with my sister," I said, pointing at Amane.
"You have a sister?!" she said, loudly, like I wasn't 340 centimeters away from her already.
My sister looked at Ao, "So who's this girl, Ichijo?" she said, latching onto my arm again, "is she a friend of yours… or possibly..?!"
Ao smiled. "I'm Ichijo's friend! Nice to meet you, Ichijo-sister!"
"Ah, I thought you were his girlfriend or something,"
What an embarrassing thing to say, big sis.
Ao's face turned bright red—like heated metal. Her arms flailed so wildly it looked like she might lift off. "N-no, it's not like that!" she cried.
My sister laughed. "So she's a friend of yours, Ichijo?" she said.
I looked down—"Well…" I turn away my gaze. "Not really."
My sister pat my back again—harder this time. "Come on! You're breaking her heart if you say that!"
I looked back at Ao. She was just smiling.
"A…anyways! I have to go somewhere!" Ao said. She hurried, making it look like an excuse rather than what she really had to do.
"See you, Ichijo!" she said, waving her hands goodbye.
Ah. There she goes. Why'd she suddenly leave like that?
She was smiling when she left, but it wasn't a real one.
Something in my chest felt heavy.
I didn't mean anything by it. So why did it feel like I'd scraped something raw?
I hate this mall.
…
The school's bell rang. I hear the sound of water droplets hitting window as I walk through the hallway.
When I arrived at the classroom, it was just as usual. I slipped out of everyone, no greetings, no stopping—just went straight to the finish line, my chair.
Unseen by everyone, that's what I am. I'm basically invisible to them.
But after meeting Ao, I guess I'd say "Hello," or "Good Morning," once in a while. I guess today's just not one of those days.
Ao. She's not here right now.
I guess she's just someone I keep looking for these days. Not because I'm interested in her, or something.
Maybe it's because it's the first time I have someone to interact with.
It feels weird, but with her, it feels natural. It's like she just fished me out of the ocean.
…
The morning passed by quickly—but it seemed like the rain didn't.
I didn't bring lunch today—so I bought bread and orange juice for lunch.
I saw Ao walking alone in the hallway. I went to say hello to her. But she didn't even respond—she didn't even look at me. She just went in the classroom without saying anything.
What, the moment I wanted and went to say hello, I get ignored?
I didn't mind, anyway. If I'm ignored, then I'll ignore. I'm built for these types of things.
I also entered the classroom, then I sat down on my chair, and put my bread and juice on my desk.
"Hey, Ao." Her friends pressed in like they wanted an answer she couldn't give.
But Ao didn't respond.
Ao's expression—her eyes, looking down. You couldn't tell if she was happy or sad—but definitely not the two. It just seemed that something was in her mind.
"Hey. Ao."
"I'm talking to you, Ao."
Ao finally responded. "Ah, hey there…"
I watched quietly. Her voice didn't have its usual lilt.
"Why are you even ignoring us?"
"Like seriously, you aren't even hanging out with us anymore."
Her friends kept swarming in—like they wanted her to get trapped.
"You're not with us during lunch, or even when we all go somewhere after school."
"Yeah! And I heard you've been hanging out with a guy these past few days!"
"That loner… what was his name again?"
Hey. I'm right here.
Ao tried to answer, but the questions kept piling up like report forms. Unending, annoying—she couldn't keep up.
"Is he your boyfriend, or something?
Ao looked up, flustered. "No! He's just—Ichijo is just…"
She stopped. She turned her gaze downward, trying to avoid them.
"Just what?" one of them asked. "Don't tell me you actually like him?" she said as she crossed her arms.
"…It's not like that," she answered. "He's just someone I just talk to."
"What's that?"
"You're pretending to be close with someone now?"
"Sayaka…"
"You act like everyone's best friend," Sayaka said, stepping closer. "But you never really let anyone in, do you?"
"It's obviously fake," Sayaka gritted her teeth. "Maybe you did that to us too," she said, slamming her hands on Ao's desk. "And I don't like that."
Sayaka withdrew her hands from Ao's desk. "Don't even hang out with us anymore—though, clearly, you already stopped."
That sounded like it stung. Ao clenched her fists—caught between pretending and finally letting it all out.
…
"Was I ever real to them?"
And just like that—
"And did you think I wanted to pretend?!" Ao said. Her chair fell to the ground. "You know what? I didn't even want to!" she said. "But I had to! I know I just had to…!"
She stopped, before she could say another word. Ao just stood there—realizing what she had done.
She left the classroom.
Before she did, she looked at me. Like she wanted to tell me something. Like she wanted me to save her.
Outside, the rain kept falling.
And falling.
Until the noise of the droplets just drowned everything.
I just sat there. I didn't move. And as usual—
I hated it. Knowing the feeling that I should've done something—but didn't.
A place I didn't want to go to. A situation I didn't want to be in. And yet—here I am. Still not doing anything.