Idk what that is I'm feeling right now it feels like I'm floating honestly... The emotions are Vivid . I simply kinda don't understand it life feels little colorless from both sides. Like it's just that I neither feel sad Or happy both of them are kinda lost or we can say fading little by little but in this little storm of chaos is waiting for me idk how am i so chill about it but my results are coming on 16 June and I'm writing this on 8 june and it's actually kinda scaring me 😭 but I'm still not letting it take control over me . I feel like I should be little guilty about things but why suffer if it doesn't have any benefits prior.... Right?
So like I'm actually trying to be super chill about things right now beacuse why not?? Me behaving or acting sad and happy doesn't change my reasult and what it there to come after. So I should rather be happy than being sad it will at least be beneficial for my health and like life is all about how we spend time so why not be happy? If we have choice to be? Right?
Hmm I'm still kinda scared and guilty though I wish my reasult doesn't come too bad like if it does I'm gonna be really sad and guilty beacuse my parents gave me extra year and I just kinda wasted it (that's what I feel honestly) like it'll be bad I wish I at least get 85+/100 so my parents will see that I have done some progress both physically mentally and academically ideol score would be 99+ but idk I'll get that much . I qm actually scared like what if I get 60 or 70 😭 I will be so cooked. Pray to the god for me please dang if I get 90+ after wasting all that time I'll be really happy.
Owkie so there's this neighbor of mine & like if he knows I got less than 90. he's gonna troll me really badly and look down on me . I think I would have probably done the same actually. I am no different than him... Gosh why is this I wanna scream (not that badly) but uk i am not trying to indulge my remaining days of freedom and happiness into negative emotions like anxiety, fear & sadness . I'll rather actually let everything be vivid.. Cutie ahm nhm so
Yeah what I actually feel kinda rn is I'll call better feels like something is lifted of my chest
Thanks to you . See you in next chapter
@brooklin_cook on ig
(And I ain't writing prologue and shi @carefreewind this is my fucking book)