"IT'S HER!!!" Ziyuan squealed like a fangirl spotting free concert tickets. The mysterious shapeshifting queen—rocking a white robe that probably cost more than a small kingdom—descended like a Marvel hero who forgot to turn off their "dramatic entrance" mode.
Qin Feng wiped away imaginary tears. "Girl, you're my soul-sister-from-another-mister! Ten more seconds and I'd have had to use my *Redbeard's One-Time Power-Up Scroll*! Do you know what that means? *Ten years* of being grounded! My poor wanderlust!"
The white-robed woman—let's call her *Mysterious Miss Vibe Check*—snatched Qin Feng mid-rant and zoomed out of the collapsing ruins like Indiana Jones fleeing a CGI boulder. Behind them, the ancient site crumbled like a gluten-free cookie.
"*Dummy!*" Ziyuan tackle-hugged Qin Feng, squishing his face into her robes. "If you die, who'll I roast for bad life choices?!"
**[System Alert!]** A cartoonish *boing* sound effect echoed in Qin Feng's head. *"Host emotionally manipulated a goddess *and* scored a free hug! +1000 Villain Points. Want to redeem them for a 'Get Out of Plot Armor Free' card?"*
"Excuse you?" Qin Feng mentally side-eyed the system. "I'm clearly the victim here! My nose is suffocating in fabric softener!"
Suddenly—*awkward silence*. The surviving 200-ish adventurers—half looking like they'd lost a fight with a tornado, the other half side-eyeing Qin Feng like he'd stolen their WiFi—started whispering.
"Yo, that's *the* Qin Feng!" shouted Some Rando #42, whipping out a Wanted poster that definitely used Qin Feng's *bad* side profile. "The guy who yeeted his own brother's magic bone! Let's grab him and retire early!"
Qin Feng struck a pose beside Mysterious Miss Vibe Check. "Catch me if you can, peasants! My new BFF here breathes on y'all and you'll turn into confetti!" He paused, noticing his "sister" sweating like a popsicle in July. *Uh-oh. Post-boss-fight debuff?*
Ziyuan tugged his sleeve. "Let's *go*, you chaotic gremlin!"
"But the *drama*!" Qin Feng whined before switching gears. "Fine, but first—*plot twist!*" He cleared his throat like a theater kid. "My *other* brother-from-another-guardian, Triple Threat Lin San, totally looted the secret vault! He's probably doing victory flips with legendary loot *right now*!"
The crowd gasped. One guy dropped his sword. "LIN SAN'S THE REAL MVP?!"
"Yup! He's got *zero* OP sisters protecting him!" Qin Feng sang, backing away. "Now if you'll excuse us, we've got a spa day booked—"
"NOT SO FAST!" A figure crash-landed like a meteorite of bad decisions. Scarface, leader of the Tiger Punch Gang™, now resembled a piñata after the party—missing an eye, an arm, and his dignity. "You think you can just—"
"Bruh." Qin Feng deadpanned. "You look like a discount Deadpool. Shouldn't you be in a 'how to dodge' seminar?"
Scarface roared, summoning a holographic tiger that glitched like a bad TikTok filter. The crowd leaned in, popcorn-ready.
**[System:] Activating *Heaven's Roast Beam*! (Warning: May cause spontaneous baldness.)**
Qin Feng's eyes glowed golden. "Y'all ever seen a disco laser *delete* someone?" A *ZZZAP* later, Scarface was napping in a cartoonish soot outline.
The crowd erupted:
"Did he just Naruto-run a Kamehameha?!"
"That's the bone-stealing move! So metal!"
"Anyone else need new pants?"
As Qin Feng's squad moonwalked away, Ziyuan muttered, "Why'd you throw Lin San under the chariot?"
"*Psh.*" Qin Feng grinned. "Triple Threat's got protagonist armor. He'll be fine! Besides, this way we get *drama* and *content*. Squad goals, amirite?"
Meanwhile, miles away, Lin San sneezed violently. "Why do I feel like I just became someone's meme template…?"
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