"Yin-Yue Dynasty's… *Moon Goddess*?!" Chang Kun's squad of elite soldiers gasped in unison, their eyeballs practically popping out like overcooked meatballs. The name alone was enough to trigger a midlife crisis in even the bravest warriors.
Moon Goddess—ranked top five in the Yin-Yue Dynasty's "Most Likely to End Your Career" list—was infamous for two things: her pet war-tortoise, Black Tortoise (who moonlighted as a living wrecking ball), and her ability to make emperors bow with nothing but a side-eye. Oh, and she was also one of the Four Legendary Beauties of the Ancient Wastes. Rumor had it her fan club included immortal grandpas, demon lords, and that one guy who *really* liked turtles.
Lin San, the self-proclaimed "future legend," nearly choked on his own ambition. "So *this* is what peak power looks like?!" he muttered, suddenly realizing his "epic journey" had been more like a toddler's tea party compared to Moon Goddess's casual flex.
Meanwhile, the Qin Clan elders were having a silent group chat via eyebrow Morse code. *Since when did Little Qin Feng have a sugar mommy from the rival dynasty?!* But hey, if this meant they could finally ship their problem child abroad for "studies" (read: exile), they weren't complaining.
"Oho~ What a *lively* gathering!" Moon Goddess's voice dripped like honey laced with arsenic. Every male within a 10-mile radius short-circuited, their brains replaced by a chorus of *Ave Maria*. Even the battle-hardened warhorses swooned.
Chang Kun, the head of the Imperial Guard, rallied his last shreds of dignity. "Moon Goddess! This is Great Xia territory! You overstep—"
*Flick.*
With a manicured finger-snap, Moon Goddess sent Chang Kun flying like a defective ragdoll. He hit the ground with a *splat*, coughing up enough blood to repaint the Great Wall.
"Anybody got a medic?!" someone yelled.
"Nah, just start digging his grave," the noble clansmen chirped, already mentally choosing funeral snacks.
Meanwhile, Zi Luan—Moon Goddess's runaway niece—tried to ninja-creep away with Qin Feng in tow.
"Zi Luan~" Moon Goddess sang, hooking the duo mid-air with her pinky. "Running away *again*? Tsk tsk. Your mom's gonna revoke your dessert privileges."
Zi Luan pouted. "Auntie! I'm not a kid anymore!"
"Could've fooled me," Moon Goddess smirked, eyeing Qin Feng. "And *you* must be the infamous 'Bone-Stealing Brat.' Cute… for a future supervillain."
Qin Feng struck a pose. "Moon Goddess *jie-jie*! Let's skip the small talk. You single? Asking for… uh, all of humanity."
The crowd facepalmed. *This kid's got more audacity than a raccoon in a cupcake shop.*
Moon Goddess burst into laughter, the sound melting swords into butter. "Aren't you a little young for cougar hunting, kiddo?"
"Age is just a number!" Qin Feng declared. "And my heart's a free-range organ!"
The Qin elders mentally high-fived. *Our boy's gonna seduce a dynasty!*
Suddenly—*POOF*—a grandpa materialized, looking like he'd escaped a nursing home. The Qin Clan's始祖 (Ancestor) raised a wrinkly hand. "Moon Goddess, hand over the brat. He's got… *family issues* to resolve."
"Make me," Moon Goddess purred, summoning Black Tortoise. The sky darkened as the godzilla-sized tortoise yawned, its breath smelling suspiciously of tacos.
Before the geriatric smackdown could begin, a squeaky voice cut through. "Wait! I'll fight him!"
All eyes dropped to Qin Hao—Qin Feng's brother, the "Unluckiest Protagonist Ever." The kid looked like a strong breeze would KO him, but his eyes blazed with the fury of a kicked puppy.
"Big Bro…" Qin Hao wheezed. "I'll prove you wrong! Even without the至尊骨, I'll—"
"**BWAHAHAHA!**" Qin Feng's villain laugh echoed. "You? Beat *me*? I'm the Chuck Norris of cultivators! The Beyoncé of battle! When I sneeze, mountains file restraining orders!"
The Ancestor facepalmed. *Note to self: fewer bedtime villain stories.*
"System Alert!" A robotic voice pinged in Qin Feng's head. "*New Quest: Traumatize Your Brother! The bigger his therapy bill, the shinier your loot!*"
Qin Feng's grin turned radioactive. "Alright, Baby Bro. Let's dance!"
As the crowd scrambled for popcorn, Moon Goddess whispered to Zi Luan, "Your boyfriend's a dumpster fire… I kinda love it."
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