The forest was too damn loud.
Birds chirped, leaves rustled, and somewhere in the distance, something that sounded suspiciously like a Beedrill swarm buzzed ominously. Meanwhile, I-a half-buried, one-HP pink splat-was currently engaged in the greatest battle of my new life:
Trying to fucking move.
"Okay. Okay. You got this," I muttered to myself, though it came out as more of a wet "Diiii-diii?"
Every inch of my gelatinous form screamed in protest as I wriggled, attempting to drag myself out of the shallow crater I'd made upon impact. My body felt like overcooked ramen-limp, unresponsive, and vaguely disappointing.
[HP: 1/48] [Status: Near-Fainted, Exhausted]
"Natural regeneration my ass," I grumbled (or gurgled, rather). At this rate, I'd be stuck here until Arceus decided to reboot the damn universe again.
I needed help. Or a Pokémon Center. Or, failing that, a very kind Pidgey willing to airlift my sorry blob out of here.
But first, I needed to get out of this hole.
With a pathetic plorp, I finally managed to flop onto solid ground, my form quivering like a dropped pudding. The world spun around me, my vision (or whatever Dittos used to see) blurring at the edges.
"Diiii..." I wheezed, which roughly translated to "Holy shit, I'm pathetic."
The forest stretched endlessly in every direction, trees towering like skyscrapers, their roots gnarled and unforgiving. But then-music to my slimy ears-the faint sound of running water.
A river.
Where there was water, there was life. Where there was life, there was civilization. And where there was civilization, there was hopefully a Nurse Joy who wouldn't judge me for being a broke, half-dead Ditto.
I began my noble journey toward hydration and possible salvation
By the time I reached the riverbank, I was this close to passing out again. My body sagged against the damp earth, my form oozing into the mud like melted ice cream. The greatest journey of my new life-a ten-foot crawl-had left me utterly spent.
Diiii... (Just let a Pidgey eat me. I'm done.")
Then-movement. A flash of orange in the water. Before I could process it, something latched onto my gelatinous side with surprising force.
AGH! WHAT THE- My internal scream was cut short as I was violently jiggled. A Magikarp, a creature of profound and legendary stupidity, had mistaken me for a particularly tasty bit of algae. It was now gumming at me with its toothless mouth, its big, vacant eyes staring into the very core of my being as it wobbled my flesh like a dog with a new chew toy.
HEY! GET OFF ME, YOU WALKING SUSHI PLATTER! I gurgled, trying to pull away. The fish held on with the tenacity of a barnacle, its round body flopping uselessly against the shore. DII-DI-DITTO!
With a wet plorp, I finally yanked myself free, leaving a tiny chunk of my pink goo in the Magikarp's mouth. It swallowed immediately, blinked its big, dumb eyes, and then stared at me expectantly, its tail slapping the water. It wanted more.
Ugh. Of course you'd eat me. You probably think rocks are a delicacy, I fumed internally.
The Magikarp, as if sensing my thoughts, made a noise.
"Magiiii-karp!"
It sounded like a squeaky toy being run over by a steamroller. I waited, expecting some kind of follow-up, some sliver of intelligent communication. Nothing. Just that same idiotic sound, repeated with the intellectual depth of a dial tone.
...You're not just dumb. You're advanced dumb, I thought, sighing a bubbly sigh. At least it wasn't trying to eat me anymore. A thought, an echo from my brief stint as a god, began to form. I had transformed then. A Ditto's whole gimmick. I needed a target, a reference… and here was a Grade-A, top-tier moron right in front of me.
This was it. The test.
Alright, fish brain. Let's see if I can steal your vibe, too.
I focused, pushing past the exhaustion, and locked onto the image of the flopping fish. I poured my intent into the action, a desperate command to my very cells.
My body lurched, a sickening ripple running through me. It twisted in ways that defied physics, my gelatinous form hardening, stretching, re-knitting itself-
And then I was staring at the Magikarp from its own eye level, my brand-new fish body flopping awkwardly on the riverbank.
Magiii-holy shit.
The voice that echoed in my head was mine, but the sound that came out of my new mouth was high-pitched and squeaky. I'd done it. I was a Magikarp.
And I couldn't breathe.
An overwhelming, visceral panic slammed into me. The air was poison. My gills flared, desperate for water. My scales felt dry and tight. Every instinct in this stupid fish body was screaming at me to get back to the river.
I thrashed, my tail smacking uselessly against the mud as I tried to propel myself forward. The real Magikarp watched, unhelpfully, as I flopped like a discarded boot.
"Karp-karp!" it trilled, as if cheering on my agonizing suffocation.
SHUT-flop-UP-flop-YOU USELESS-flop-GAH!
Finally, with one last desperate heave, my body tumbled over the edge and into the water.
Instant, cooling bliss.
I opened my eyes and the world transformed. It was beautiful. Sunlight filtered through the water in shimmering, golden ribbons, illuminating schools of tiny fish that darted between swaying emerald plants. The colors were more vibrant than anything I'd ever seen, a living kaleidoscope. A Staryu lay half-buried in the sediment below, its central gemstone glinting as it lazily waved a rocky arm.
This was incredible.
"Karp!"
The other Magikarp bumped into me, snapping me out of my awe. It circled me once, then darted off, its tail flicking, beckoning me to follow.
Hesitantly, I twitched my tail. I moved. Not the pathetic flopping from before, but a smooth, effortless glide. I swished again, harder, and shot forward, the water parting around me as if I was born to it.
This is amazing!
The Magikarp let out a happy "Karp!" and we were off, weaving between rocks in an exhilarating chase. For a moment, I completely forgot I was a sentient puddle in a fish suit. I was just... swimming.
Then-a flash of red and white. A Goldeen, its fins flowing like silk, glided past.
My brain short-circuited.
Whoa.
It was... pretty. In a fishy kind of way. Sleek, graceful, the way its tail fin…
I tried to shake my head, a difficult gesture for a fish. What the hell am I thinking?! Bad brain! We like human babes! Soft skin, round asses, thighs! Not... scales and a dorsal fin! My long-lost sword weeps at this aquatic betrayal!
__
Sorry for the delay, got struck in internship assignment.
please thrown in some power stones guys.
And my friend god_of_wind_2000, why are you sending stones to the previous version of this book, when you can send them to this one? just curious, like did you like that one more or something?