Eliza's POV
I smiled at my pouch and reached for my secret diary. It has a lock. It has a passcode which only i know. I don't want others to know what's behind my smiling face? I am the healer. I don't want others to know that the healer is the most wounded one.I opened the lock rotating each keys. The code 721.Don't think too much. I will tell you the secret behind that code. Be hanging, it's a big story.
Speaking of my secret diary, i love it so much because it is the only thing which listen to my emotions attentively. Sometimes i feels like they are talking to me. I writes all of my emotions, sometimes i read then again and again. For what? I am mad.. Then what? Who want to read something again and again. Won't they be bored. I will be motivated when i read what i had already gone through. And will smile a little at my own inspiring words..Also i won't write them as stories. It's like... Like something else. Sometimes a poem, sometimes philosophy. I don't know what on earth it is.
I looked at the first page.I am not gonna write anything because i don't wanna waste pages of this precious thing by introducing new school.I am reading it because i felt a little uneasy with Claire.'Dear diary, I am your owner. Let me tell you the purpose first. By the way I am Eliza. Eliza Christopher.I want to share my emotions with you. Maybe you won't understand but i hope i will try to express them' It was the time i needed to talk to someone. I was suffering with depression, traumas, injuries in heart. I am still not recovered but i feel i am relieved a bit. I don't want happiness i prefer peace. Happiness is the thing i never gets and peace is what i beg now.I chose to read a random page.I closed my diary and opened in middle.'When did the vision went dark? I feel my heart is scrawling. It's beating too fast.' i felt my head is going to explode while reading it. I don't wanna read it but i can't stop. I realize i am sobbing. I know to cry without making noise. I continued reading.'I lost a piece of my heart. I lost my everything. The friend i was saving from death left me here alone.' 'This world is not only cruel to me it's cruel to everything. The more we love, the more we get hurt.'i closed the diary. And decided read another page because i am crying uncontrollably.'She is a bit sad. I don't want to see others being sad. I am happy when others smile '. Sometimes i really think why am i like this? Don't i have my own happiness. 'Let her cry if she want.. But don't let her be a robot like me who failed to express itself.' Yes i wanted to cry everytime i feel sad but i can't because i am not normal. I opened another chapter 'I am sorry mom, dad. I am sorry Anna and Ethan i am not a good sister. I won't be good. I failed in my life. I still loves you. But I hate my life. Forgive me, i am not a good sister i am not a good daughter. I... I am bad.. I am a bad friend, Lily... I am sorry...'
I can't read anymore. I am stunned by that name "Lily...." I started crying by saying her name. I felt someone behind me is telling me it's my fault. I sat on the floor leaning against the wall. I don't wanna close eyes. "Eliza..."someone called me. I can hear her. Lily... It's lily. No... No.. I don't want it.. Please don't... Please don't..... I saw her smiling at me.