Chapter 11: The Dinner Table Negotiations
Scene: The Family Dining Room Summit
Colonel Mustard (the Common Sense Condiment) sits at the head of the table, a plate of mixed food before him. A Kid, armed with a fork and a skeptical glare, sits across. On the sidelines, Mrs. Food Police, the official representative of the International Idiocracy of Dinner Etiquette, clutches a napkin and a rulebook.
Colonel Mustard:
Welcome to the Dinner Table Summit. Mrs. Food Police, you're accused of enforcing impossible rules about what goes on a plate, how it touches, and who eats what first. How do you respond?
Mrs. Food Police:
I plead guilty! Dinner is sacred. Foods must be separated, eaten in order, and no mixing allowed. It's about manners and nutrition.
Kid:
Objection! If dinner is sacred, why does it feel like a hostage negotiation every night? And why do you freak out if my peas touch my mashed potatoes?
Colonel Mustard:
Good question. Mrs. Food Police, why so much drama over food placement?
Mrs. Food Police:
Because kids need structure! Mixing foods confuses the palate and ruins the meal.
Kid:
Or maybe it's just your weird food OCD. Peas and potatoes are both food. They're not going to start a war on my plate.
Colonel Mustard:
Classic Idiocracy move: confusing preference with necessity. Mrs. Food Police, do you have any evidence that food separation improves nutrition?
Mrs. Food Police:
No, but it teaches discipline and respect for food.
Kid:
Discipline is important, sure. But forcing us to eat food like it's a crime scene? That just makes dinner miserable.
Colonel Mustard:
Let's examine the evidence. Exhibit A: Kids pick at food more when it's separated. Exhibit B: Family dinners turn into battles over "no touching." Exhibit C: Adults secretly mix their food when kids aren't looking.
Mrs. Food Police:
But manners matter! Eating properly is a life skill.
Kid:
Life skill or power trip? If you want us to eat veggies, maybe don't make it a battlefield.
Colonel Mustard:
Kid, what's your solution to the dinner table negotiations?
Kid:
Relax the rules. Let us mix a little. Make dinner fun, not a test. And maybe let us pick what we want sometimes instead of forcing every bite.
Mrs. Food Police:
But what about balanced meals?
Kid:
Balance is good, but so is choice. If I hate broccoli, don't make me eat it like it's a punishment. Give me options.
Colonel Mustard:
Final verdict: Dinner should be about connection, not conflict. Rules are fine, but flexibility and respect go a long way.
Mrs. Food Police:
Can I keep my napkin?
Kid:
Only if you promise to use it to wipe away the drama.
Colonel Mustard:
Case closed! The dinner table negotiations end with common sense: eat, enjoy, and maybe let peas hang out with potatoes once in a while.
Later, the family shares a relaxed meal with laughter and mixed plates. Mrs. Food Police smiles, napkin in hand. Colonel Mustard nods approvingly.
Colonel Mustard (voiceover):
Food is fuel, family, and fun. Don't let rules ruin the recipe.