> Quest Activated: "Bandits in the Mist"
Location: Fogwood Pass
Objective: Defeat the Mistfang Bandit Gang.
Reward: 20 Bronze Coins, Rare Gear, and a "Definitely Not Suspicious" Map.
Mood: Foggy and Unpleasant.
Bonus Goal: Don't die like a background character.
I stood at the entrance to Fogwood Pass—an ominous stretch of road filled with twisted trees, creeping mist, and 100% guaranteed trouble.
Baby Slime (aka "Blobert") bounced beside me happily, wearing a tiny scarf I stitched from leftover socks. Sarcasmus, my legendary talking sword, was humming the "I Hate Bandits" tune.
"Ah," Sarcasmus groaned. "Fog, damp air, poor visibility. This place screams ambush."
"Which is why we're ambushing them instead!" I grinned.
"You? Ambush? You're the kind of guy who trips over his own strategy."
I tripped.
"…That doesn't count."
From the mist, a cloaked figure emerged.
"Halt, traveler! This is a toll road now."
"Is the toll sarcasm?" I asked.
"No. Hand over all your valuables!"
I drew Sarcasmus and pointed dramatically. "Then prepare yourself! For I am—"
> Stealth Failed!
Bandits Nearby: 7
Surrounding Status: Dangerously surrounded. Also mildly annoying.
"Dang it!"
Bandits leapt out of the bushes with swords and clubs. Blobert hid behind me like a green squishy marshmallow.
"Skill: Windstep Lv.1!"
I zipped forward, dodging two swords.
"Skill: Sword Flail!"
I swung Sarcasmus wildly like I was trying to fight a swarm of bees. One bandit got slapped in the face.
"Ow! My pride!"
Sarcasmus snarked, "You know this isn't a blender, right?"
> Critical Hit!
Bandit #3: Down
Bandit #7: Crying in the bushes
Bandit Leader: "That's it. I'm getting the boss!"
A massive, bearded man stomped out of the fog, wielding a spiked club the size of my body.
> Mini-Boss Appears: Dredge, the Fogwalker
Title: Mistfang Leader
Threat Level: Ouch
As I prepared for battle, the system beeped.
> Item Unlocked: Ancient Bandit Map
Item Description: May whisper secrets. May lie to you.
Status: Shifty.
The map unrolled itself and said, "Hey, idiot. Treasure's that way."
"…The map just insulted me."
Sarcasmus snorted. "I like it already."
"Wait, why is the ink bleeding?!"
"Shut up and fight, drama queen."
I tucked the cursed map away as Dredge charged me like a steam-powered gorilla.
Dredge's club came down. I blocked it. Bad idea.
> -32 HP
Status Effect: Bruised Ego
Cooldown: Every few seconds
"Blobert! Any help!?"
The slime jumped… and fired a tiny jet of water at Dredge's eyes.
"GAH! MY CORNEAS!"
> Blobert Used: Slimy Squirt!
It was super effective!
Dredge is Blinded!
Kaito is mildly horrified.
I used the moment to activate Skill: Triple Slash Combo Lv. 2 and landed three clean hits.
Dredge staggered, slipped on slime, and fell into a tree trunk.
> Dredge Defeated!
Loot:
– 20 Bronze Coins
– Spiky Club of Back Problems
– Key to Bandit Stash
– Rare Item: "Mystic Belt of Extra Pouches"
– Map Fragment x1
Back in town, I returned with spoils, a screaming talking map, and Blobert happily chewing on my sock.
The guild receptionist blinked. "You defeated the Mistfang Gang?! Alone?!"
"Technically, I had a slime and a sentient sword. So like… semi-alone."
> Quest Complete!
Guild Rank: Upgraded to Bronze II
Reward: Bonus XP, Rare Gear Access, Reputation +20
New Title: Bandit Bane (a.k.a. One Who Attracts Trouble)
Sarcasmus muttered, "I hate to say this, but… you might be getting better."
"Wait. Say that again?"
"I said you might be—wait, NO, I take it back."
---
Later That Night…
The cursed map unrolled again.
"Listen, dumb face. That key you got opens a hidden vault in the Obsidian Woods."
"Are you sure?"
"Do I LOOK unsure?"
"It's a map. You don't have a face."
"…Don't test me, Inkboy."
> New Quest Unlocked:
Title: "Secrets of the Obsidian Vault"
Objective: Find and explore the hidden treasure vault.
Danger Level: Unknown. Possibly dragons. Definitely traps.
Reward: ???
Blobert glowed softly. Sarcasmus yawned ominously.
"Well," I muttered, "nothing could possibly go wrong."