Chapter 3
It seemed that my family had doubled—no, tripled—wait, no quadrupled—God! Can't they stop multiplying!?
"Guys, what the fuck, since when do we have literally family members that could rival armies, did ALL of your sperm fucking survive and became babies? Well, that also wouldn't explain how many adults and teenagers we have and it has only been like 20 minutes." I said as I saw that the whole village is full of my siblings (old and new), nephews and nieces, grandnephews and grandnieces, and grand grandnephews and grandnieces… wait a minute, how many generations has it been?
Anyway, I also had like three children with my beautiful and extremely hot fire girlfriend (now wife), two boys and one girl, the eldest son is named Welt Fyre, the second son is named Ayr Sonne, and the youngest girl is named Gaxolyne.
I'm so proud of them, they have become a 3rd-Circle Magician at such a young age (like it has only been around 3 minutes and 23 seconds), I wiped a single drop of tear from my face.
"Status." I muttered under his breath to see my status.
Nothing happens because I don't have a system.
What a bummer.
I packed my bags and decided to go on a trip to find the Infinite Tower.
"Goodbye, my love." I kissed her on her burning forehead with a dramatic expression and hugged my kids goodbye.
And I walked out of my village and walked around 10 feet to the left and walked into the open field that has the tower that pierced the sky.
I entered the tower with a tense face.
— Ding!
[ Welcome to the Infinite Tower ]
[ What is your name? ]
"The Most Goated Person To Ever Exist In Any Reality And Any Narratives And Any Planes of Existence And Any Anti-Reality And Any UnReality And Any NonExistence And Any GodVerse And Any Multiverses And Any Sigmas, Hmph! I am Literally So Goated Frfr."
[ … ]
[ Error has occured. ]
[ Name has been changed to
"Whatever, status." I ignored the notification after being slightly disappointed because my name was error-ed.
—xxx—
Name: Mr Placeholder
Race: Human
Age: Legal
Title: None
Level: 1
Rank: 1st-Circle
Stats:
Strength: 99
Speed: 99
Durability: 99
Intelligence: 99
Sense: 99
Magic: 99
Charisma: High
—xxx—
I nodded in satisfaction as I walked out of the Infinite Tower but then suddenly the entire space shook, it seemed that the Infinite Tower didn't approve of me leaving.
[ Initiating Tutorial Stage… ]
Suddenly a shadow loomed over me, it was a gigantic lizard-like monster, I noticed that it also emanated quite a lethal dose of radiation.
"Is-is that God motherfucking Zilla!?" I exclaimed while pointing at the giant radioactive lizard.
I used appraisal on the beast and its information was revealed to me.
—xxx—
Name: A Cool And Badass Giant Motherfucking Lizard That Is Also Radioactive Because Of Nuclear Bombs
Race: Cool Ass Motherfucking Radioactive Giant Lizard
Type: Boss Monster
Age: Too Cool For Ages To Matter
Title: Cool Ass Motherfucking Lizard, Cool Ass Motherfucking Radioactive Lizard, Cool Ass Motherfucking Giant Radioactive Lizard, Cool Ass Lizard, Nuclear Bombs Victim
Level: 999
Rank: SSS
Stats:
Strength: 99,999
Speed: 99,999
Durability: 99,999
Intelligence: 99,999
Sense: 99,999
Magic: 99,999
Charisma: MAXIMUM
—xxx—
I felt my heart stop for a moment.
It was because this EVIL and INTIMIDATING Infinite Tower wanted me to fight against this SUPER COOL AND BADASS AND SUPER REALLY COOL AND I SAID IT WAS REALLY REALLY COOL LIKE SUPER COOL BADASS MOTHERFUCKING GIANT RADIOACTIVE LIZARD.
That's unforgivable.
The Cool Ass Motherfucking Giant Radioactive Lizard suddenly spoke in a deep voice.
"You know back in 2001, I was merely a small underwater lizard you know, like really small but still really cool just cuz, then it happened…" It spoke with a somber tone.
"You mean, 9/11…?" I hesitantly asked.
"No, that was a really horrible event, but my problem was unrelated, my canon event happened when I was like 2 years old and then a GIANT SUPER NUKE suddenly appeared beside me and exploded violently and I am the only survivor—well, not really there's like hundreds other of my species but they're not cool enough so they're just normal Giant Radioactive Lizard." It said with a serious tone.
"Nuke, huh? Thanks for the tip." I use my mana to create a nuclear explosion directly because I don't understand how a fucking nuclear bombs works.
A bright light engulfed the Super Duper Cool Ass Giant Radioactive Lizard that left it dead.
"Haha, I just no diff you." I chuckled arrogantly as I stared at the empty spaces where the Really Fucking Cool Super Duper Cool Giant Ass Big Ass Radioactive Lizard used to stood at.
There was silence, I am confident in my victory.
Then, a voice appeared behind me, "Are you shore?"
"Pretty sure—" Suddenly a punch quickly thrusted into my cheek sending me flying far far away.
"No way, you're still alive!?" I was flabbergasted, I should've won.
"Nah, I'd win." The Super Duper Really Cool Very Fucking Cool Motherfucking Cool Super Humongous Radioactive Lizard said with a slightly arrogant tone.
Then, the Hyper Super Meta Humongous Radioactive Lizard That Was Is And Always Will Be Really Fucking Cool Like Seriously Really Motherfucking Cool just spontaneously combusted.
And a comically large spoon fell from the nowhere crushing them, then another thing appeared and crushed it again, it was a grand piano.
— Ding!
[ Tutorial Completed. ]
[ You are eligible to challenge the first floor of the Infinite Tower. ]
I walked out of the tower and returned to my village.
"Is this really my village?" I muttered under my breath as I saw a towering castle in the place where my village was and there's thousands of people with similar faces to me but definitely really really lower quality in terms of handsomeness compared to me.
This is not narcissism, I'm literally just that guy.
Suddenly I sensed a very powerful presence behind me.
It was THAT GUY.
No way, did my boasting really summoned him, and he looked really pissed too!
And then his lips parted, "Where is the toilet…?"
Really? That's all, is he constipate—"Yes, I am constipated please stop narrating and answer my question."
"Well, come with me." I said as I lead him to the toilet in the castle.