Drowning under the pressure of yearning to know, one may stab themselves in the throat and twist the knife by asking questions that have no answer. More questions lead to more pain.
Is it worth seeking answers, knowing they may be worse than the ache of ignorance? When truth might hurt more than longing ever could?
Motionless, Kaya saw only the luminous shine on the steel door. She felt herself dragged into its world, faint calls of her name echoing as she drifted toward it, powerless to resist.
The hum of the waves faded. Her eyes submerged into the door's metallic sheen, flickering with the pulse of her heart.
It called to her.
Magnetic. Monolithic. Monstrous.
The faint glint of its mystery clouded her thoughts, grasping her, refusing to let go.
"Kaya, wake up!"
A voice pierced the illusion, snapping her back to the quiet deck.
She caught her breath, like surfacing from deep water.
"You can't keep doing that, Kaya. It worries me," Atlas said.
"Huh? Oh." She blinked, shaking her head, struggling to clear the trance.
A slight, awkward laugh escaped her lips.
"Sorry, I just got lost in thought again."
Atlas gave her a look. The kind when someone says they're fine, but their eyes carry a storm.
"Come on, Kaya, join the conversation. You're curious, aren't you? Don't you want to hear the crew's old stories?" Carlos said, trying to lighten the mood.
"Yeah, come on," Amaya added with a smirk.
"We were just talking about when Carlos tried to catch a wasp on the ship, like an idiot."
"Yeah, let's not talk about that, shall we," Carlos mumbled, rubbing his temples.
A small laugh slipped from Kaya's lips. Her eyes softened, though quiet. The burden she carried felt lighter as she allowed herself to live in the moment.
Her constant falling into ponder began to ease.
I should enjoy this bonding time. It might take my mind off that door.
The laughter continued around her.
"And Atlas," Amaya giggled, "remember when you told Carlos 'don't overreact' right as he got stung and screamed like a goat? I nearly pissed myself."
Carlos groaned. "I'm right here, guys."
"Yeah, but you were crying to your mom on the phone right after it happened," Atlas said, fighting laughter.
The group cracked up, the noise warm and genuine, like a family. It filled the air with warmth, breaking the silence that had wrapped around Kaya.
She let out a true smile for the first time in days, wishing she had met these people earlier.
Yet behind that smile, the door remained.
Looming in her mind, ticking like a clock.
Waiting.
The laughter hadn't faded when a loud bang echoed from the corridor, followed by two chaotic voices yelling over each other.
"You actual gremlin!"
"Don't touch my fu##ing wrench!"
Zayne sprinted down the stairs first, tall, with a grown-out military haircut, barefoot, wielding a mop like a greatsword.
Behind him scurried Lias, wearing a black hoodie three sizes too large, long dark red hair covering one eye, pale complexion, eyeliner, and jet-black nail polish. He held a hissing soldering tool like a flamethrower.
Zayne darted toward Atlas, comically ducking behind him despite being much larger.
He whispered loudly, "Yo, Atlas, back me up. This Hot Topic gremlin is trying to summon Lucifer with his nail polish again."
Lias hissed, "It's not nail polish! It's anti-corrosive arc-metal gloss, you mop-wielding cretin! I was tweaking the railgun's frame, and you wiped it down like a janitor."
"And then you vandalized it with a label saying 'BEWARE: MAY SUCK THE SOUL OUT OF YOU' with a skull emoji."
Zayne peeked from behind Atlas, "That's called accurate branding, dickweed."
Lias snapped, "Oh, that's it, you motherfu-"
Atlas stepped between them, raising his hands, barely containing a laugh.
"Ladies, we were finally acting like a normal crew."
"Yeah, well, tell him he can't just walk into my workshop with his Swiffer like it's some exorcism," Lias said, polishing the welding tool.
"Bro, it smelled demonic in there, like an open casket on a Thursday. I had to clean it."
"Sorry not everything smells like Febreze, prick. They're bullets."
Amaya facepalmed. "Great. The short bus parade is here."
Kaya nudged Carlos. "What's going on with them?"
Carlos chuckled, "That's our entertainment. A walking sitcom. They're here to bless us with a new form of brain damage."
Atlas tried stepping aside, but Zayne clung to him. "Don't abandon me, bro. You said you'd take a bullet for me, remember?"
"Metaphorically, bro."
"Figuratively, emotionally, whatever, we're day ones. Be my shield."
"You said that while unclogging a toilet with a mop, claiming it was cursed."
"It was haunted. The bolt that poser flushed ruined it."
"It was a prototype. It glowed and had a heartbeat, so I flushed it."
"Oh really? Name three Nirvana songs."
"Easy. Uh, 'Smells Like Teen Spirit,' and… shut up, mop boy."
"As I thought."
The crew burst into uncontrollable laughter.
Zayne patted Atlas on the shoulder. "If that quiet kid tries anything with his welding torture device, tell my mom I love her."
Lias smirked, "Yeah, tell your mom I 'love' her too."
"Now wait a damn minute, what's that supposed to mean?"
"Children," Atlas said, "you don't want another strike from Amaya for the captain."
Amaya crossed her arms, foot tapping.
They dropped to their knees, frantically repenting.
"Please forgive me, sir- I mean-"
"F##k, I mean, ma'am, madam."
Lias turned. "Bro. Seriously?"
Amaya glared. "Apologize."
They stood, gagging.
"I apolo-"
"God, I feel like I'm gonna vomit," Zayne whined.
"Say it."
"…I'm sorry, bro."
"Ugh. I said it. I need a shower," Lias muttered.
"Now hug it out."
"Nah, that's too far," Zayne said.
"Yeah, no way," Lias agreed.
Amaya glared again. "Idiots, you just made a bad first impression on your new crewmate."
They turned to Kaya, who smiled nervously and waved.
"Huh."
"Hey, I'm Kaya," she said, her eyes shifting to a gold tint.
Lias shook her hand, stepping aside. She scanned his thoughts.
He's just thinking about welding. Impressed by my firm handshake for my size.
Zayne grinned, shaking her hand. "Hey, weren't your eyes brown a second ago?"
"You're the first to notice. It's my trial."
Atlas blinked, "What's a trial?"
"You seriously don't know? It's when-" Zayne started, before Lias kicked him.
"Ah, we'll talk about it another day," Zayne muttered.
Kaya noted how Zayne's thoughts took time to form. His mother. She reminded him of his mother.
She looks like my mom. I miss her. It's been so long.
Kaya didn't mention it. It wasn't the right time.
They seem carefree, but behind the jokes, they're empty. Why? Who hurt them?
"Yo, Atlas, want to go fishing with us?" Zayne asked.
"Yeah, give me a minute."
They left, and the silence returned, washing over the deck like a tide.
Kaya blinked, "They're… interesting."
Atlas chuckled, "Yeah, they're my brothers. Dysfunctional, feral, dumb, but they're my best friends."
Carlos whistled, "They love Atlas like a brother. You three, that's something real."
Kaya smiled as Atlas waved goodbye. Amaya caught her look.
"So, you like him, huh?" Amaya teased.
"Huh?" Kaya froze.
"It's obvious. He's a ghost with a pulse. Hard not to be curious."
Kaya lowered her voice, "I can't read him like others, but something pulls me to him, like an invisible string. I feel peace around him, a peace I've never felt."
Carlos sighed, eyes scanning the waves. "You already trust him, Kaya. The question is, do you want to trust someone you can't understand, or does not knowing feel safer?"
Amaya added softly, "Sometimes, the people we trust most are those we least understand. It doesn't make it wrong. Maybe it'll feel real."
Kaya nodded, nearly lost in thought.
She whispered, "Real."
The silence settled again.
This time, it wasn't just Kaya.
It was shared.