Scene: National Economic House, Abuja
Time: Budget Presentation Week — Dry Harmattan Noon.
Narrator's Voice (through haiku hiccup):
"White papers falling,
but never land on savings—
breeze of promises."
---
The chamber was filled with sweat and starch.
Honourables adjusted agbadas like folding tents in a storm.
Chairman Ladoja, now bald and bolder, cleared his throat.
> "Gentlemen and woman," he began, miscounting the only female senator,
"we gather to dissect progress."
Senator Oyewo raised a hand, golden rings jangling like cowbells.
> "Point of order! The growth is retarded. What happened to Owo Ise fund?"
Laughter. Some sharp, some swallowed.
Narrator hiccup:
Sachet dreams flying—
budget lines with belly cramps,
what feeds cannot count.
---
Minister of National Optimism, a new office formed last week, adjusted his designer glasses and replied:
> "Distinguished, the growth was... hmm... intercepted by global headwinds, and unforeseen procurement… intricacies."
> "Say it as it is jare," Oyewo snapped. "Alakare dey carry file since Shagari. Na only during election he sabi road!"
Haiku hiccup (sarcastic):
"Alakare smile,
with briefcase full of silence—
deadline long expired."_
---
A journalist from the back muttered:
> "Alasure go come now. Emergency committee. Dem go fix am with white elephant."
The hall nodded. Everyone knew Alasure — the fixer who arrives after the house is already burnt, with expensive water from Dubai.
---
Narrator's sidebar in Yoruba-English blend:
A fi gbogbo gbese je aro.
Who retards the growth?
Ko le je orisun omi—
It's not the well that's dry,
Na bucket wey dem dey sell as contract.
---
Minister of Fiscal Disappearance rose like a ghost with clearance.
> "In fairness, the Oyowo Project was executed in phases."
> "Executed indeed," hissed Oyewo. "Even the ghost of Murtala no fit trace am!"
Final haiku hiccup of the scene:
Potholes and figures,
Excel sheets weep in column—
budget has malaria.
---
Scene Freeze. Curtains close.