Chapter 8 – The Weight of Secrets
Three days.
That's how long I've been walking around with this... thing inside me.
This secret that feels like it's going to explode out of my chest every time someone looks at me.
Kael keeps asking me to show off my "sick fire-air combo" to random people in the village. Noah wants to spar so he can test his water against my elements. Even Mom asked if I wanted to practice with Dad using "real mana" now.
And every time, I have to smile and act normal while my entire body is screaming.
Because normal kids don't awaken four elements.
Normal kids don't have to shove half their power into a mental lockbox just to avoid questions.
Normal kids don't feel like they're lying to everyone they love just by existing.
---
I was sitting in the tree behind our house — my usual thinking spot — when Dad found me.
"You've been up there a lot lately," he said, leaning against the trunk.
"Just thinking."
"About?"
I almost said "about how I'm a walking magical disaster waiting to happen" but caught myself.
"About training. And... stuff."
He was quiet for a moment. Then: "The awakening change things for you?"
I looked down at him. His face was calm, but his eyes were doing that thing where they looked like they were reading me.
"A little," I said.
"Wanna talk about it?"
No. Yes. Maybe.
"I don't know how to explain it."
He nodded like that made perfect sense. "Mind if I come up?"
I scooted over on the branch. He climbed up with a small grunt — "Getting old," he muttered — and sat beside me.
We didn't talk for a while. Just sat there watching the sun get lower.
Finally, he said, "Power's a strange thing."
"Yeah?"
"Makes you feel different. Like you're not the same person you were before."
I stared at him. "How do you know?"
"Because I awakened once too." He smiled. "And I remember feeling like I was carrying around a secret that was too big for my body."
My chest tightened. "What do you mean?"
"I mean," he said, "sometimes the power you get isn't what people expect. Sometimes it's more. Sometimes it's different. And that can feel... heavy."
I couldn't breathe.
Did he know?
"What if..." I started, then stopped.
"What if what?"
"What if someone awakened something they weren't supposed to? Something that might cause problems?"
He was quiet for a long time. Long enough that I started to panic.
Then he said, "I'd tell them that power isn't the problem. It's what you do with it."
"But what if it's dangerous?"
"Then you learn to control it."
"What if people wouldn't understand?"
"Then you find people who do."
I looked at him again. His face was serious now. Not scary serious. Just... steady.
"Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"If I had a secret. A big one. Would you still—"
"Yes," he said, before I could finish. "Whatever it is. Yes."
I wanted to tell him right then. Everything. About the four elements. About the dreams. About how I felt like I was carrying around a bomb that could go off at any moment.
But I couldn't.
Not yet.
Instead, I just said, "Thanks."
He reached over and messed up my hair. "Anytime, kiddo."
---
That night, I couldn't sleep.
I kept thinking about what Dad said. About power being heavy. About secrets that were too big.
I rolled over and stared at the wall.
Maybe I should test it. Just a little. Just to see if I could control the earth and water elements without anyone knowing.
I sat up slowly, listening. Mom and Dad were asleep. The house was quiet.
I crept out of bed and tiptoed to the window. The backyard was dark except for moonlight.
Perfect.
I climbed out — carefully — and dropped to the grass.
The night air was cool and still. I walked over to the training area where the wooden post stood.
I knelt down and pressed my palm to the ground.
*Just a little,* I thought. *Just to see.*
I reached inside myself, past the fire and air that everyone knew about, down to the part I'd been hiding.
Earth.
I felt it respond immediately. Like it had been waiting.
The soil under my hand shifted. Just slightly. A tiny mound rose up, no bigger than my fist.
I smiled.
Then I tried water.
There was a small bucket near the shed — rainwater Mom collected for the plants. I focused on it.
The water trembled. Then lifted. A small stream rose into the air, curling around my fingers like a liquid ribbon.
It was beautiful.
And terrifying.
Because it felt so easy. So natural. Like I'd been doing it my whole life.
I let the water drop back into the bucket and smoothed the earth mound flat.
Then I heard footsteps.
I froze.
"Theo?"
Mom's voice. Soft, but awake.
I spun around. She was standing in the doorway, wearing her nightgown, hair loose around her shoulders.
"What are you doing out here?"
My heart hammered. "I... couldn't sleep. Just getting some air."
She walked over, bare feet silent on the grass. "Are you alright? You've been acting strange since the awakening."
"I'm fine," I said quickly. "Just... adjusting."
She studied my face in the moonlight. "Theo."
"Yeah?"
"You know you can tell me anything, right? No matter what it is."
The words hung in the air between us.
I wanted to tell her. So badly it hurt.
But instead, I just nodded. "I know."
She reached out and touched my cheek. "Good. Now come inside before you catch cold."
I followed her back to the house, my secret feeling heavier than ever.
---
The next morning, Kael showed up at dawn.
"BRO!" he yelled through my window. "Wake up! I figured out how to make my fire hotter!"
I groaned and rolled out of bed. "What time is it?"
"Time to train! Come on!"
I got dressed and met him outside. He was bouncing around like he'd had ten cups of coffee.
"Watch this," he said, holding out his hand.
A small flame appeared in his palm. Normal orange-red. Then his face scrunched up in concentration, and the flame turned more orange. Then more red. Then it flickered and died.
"Okay, it's not perfect yet," he said. "But I'm getting somewhere!"
"That's cool," I said, trying to sound excited.
"Your turn! Show me something new!"
I hesitated. What was I supposed to show him? I'd been holding back so much that I'd forgotten what my "normal" level was supposed to be.
"I don't know," I said. "I'm still figuring things out."
Kael frowned. "Come on. You awakened two elements. That's way cooler than just fire."
"It's not that cool."
"Are you kidding? You could make a fire tornado!"
I blinked. "What?"
"Fire tornado! Fire plus wind equals spinning fire death!"
I stared at him. I hadn't even thought of combining elements like that.
"That's... actually not a bad idea," I said.
"Right? We should practice together! I'll make the fire bigger, you make it spin!"
Before I could answer, Noah showed up.
"What are you two yelling about?" he said, yawning.
"Fire tornados!" Kael said.
"That sounds dangerous."
"Everything sounds dangerous to you," Kael shot back.
"Because you have terrible ideas."
They started bickering. I tuned them out and thought about what Kael had said.
Combining elements.
What if I could do that with all four? What if I could make something no one had ever seen before?
The thought excited me.
And scared me.
Because if I could do that... what else was I capable of?
And how long could I keep pretending I wasn't?
---
We trained for a couple hours. Basic stuff. Kael working on his fire control. Noah practicing water shapes. Me trying to look like I was struggling with the "advanced" technique of making fire and air work together.
It was exhausting.
Not the magic part — that felt natural. But the acting part. The pretending to be weaker than I was. The hiding.
After we finished, I walked home alone. Kael and Noah had gone to get food, but I wasn't hungry.
I was tired.
Not body tired. Soul tired.
I kept thinking about Dad's words. About power being heavy. About secrets that were too big.
He was right.
This was too big.
And I didn't know how much longer I could carry it.
But I also didn't know what would happen if I let it go.
As I walked up the path to our house, I saw Mom hanging laundry on the line. She looked up and smiled when she saw me.
"How was training?"
"Good," I said automatically.
"You look tired."
"A little."
She walked over and put a hand on my forehead. "No fever. Just worn out?"
I nodded.
She studied my face for a moment. Then she said, "You know, when your father first awakened his element, he was scared."
"Really?"
"Terrified. He thought he was too strong. Thought he might hurt someone."
My chest tightened. "What did he do?"
"He talked to someone he trusted. Got help learning control." She smiled. "Turned out fine."
I wanted to ask who he talked to. Wanted to ask if she knew about secrets. About power that was too big.
But I just nodded.
"I should probably rest," I said.
"Good idea."
I went inside and lay down on my bed. The ceiling stared back at me, same as always.
But everything felt different now.
I had power I couldn't use.
Friends I couldn't be honest with.
Parents who seemed to know something was wrong but couldn't fix it.
And a secret that was getting heavier every day.
I closed my eyes and tried to sleep.
But all I could think about was what Dad had said.
*Power isn't the problem. It's what you do with it.*
The question was: what was I going to do with mine?
And how long could I keep pretending I didn't have it?
---
That night, I had the dream again.
The four lights.
Red. Blue. Green. Gold.
But this time, they weren't just floating.
They were moving toward me.
Faster.
And I wasn't walking anymore.
I was running.
Toward them.
Like I was ready.
Like I was finally ready to stop hiding.
I woke up with my heart pounding and my hands glowing faintly in the dark.
All four elements.
Fire. Air. Water. Earth.
Dancing around my fingers like they were celebrating.
I clenched my fists and made them stop.
But for the first time since my awakening, I smiled.
Maybe I wasn't ready to tell everyone.
But I was ready to stop being afraid.
And that felt like a start.
I'll just tell them when the time feels right.