"You can't cultivate in peace when half the continent is proposing to you."
BOOM!!!
The dueling ground was now scorched, frozen, and buried in glittery fox illusions.
Wang Li stood in the center of it all, clothes half-torn, hair messy, spiritual energy flickering wildly—and completely done with life.
"You—!!" roared Huang Yanyan, the Phoenix Princess, still riding her flaming crane.
"You saved my life! My spirit beast! My maiden heart!"
"I also saved an old man's cabbage yesterday! Am I going to marry him, too?!"
"You're mocking the Phoenix Flame Palace!"
"No, I'm mocking my luck!" Wang Li shouted, his eye twitching. "There is no cultivation manual for 'How to Avoid Accidentally Collecting Fiancées!'"
Little Fox snorted with laughter. "Maybe you should write one, Husband~"
Lin Ruoyan looked half-amused, half-ready to join the battle.
Lan Xue'er scribbled in her jade scroll: Subject is showing signs of mental instability. Cause: Overexposure to female attention. Diagnosis: Terminally Handsome.
As if things weren't bad enough, Huang Yanyan raised her fiery blade into the sky.
"If you won't marry me willingly, then according to the Phoenix Oath Ritual… I shall curse you with a burning bond!"
Wang Li's eyes widened. "Wait, wait, wait—don't just curse people! That's illegal! It has to go through a proper spiritual tribunal!"
She ignored him.
"Flames of Heaven, witness this vow! May our fates be bound! If you reject me again—your yang root will burst into flames every midnight!!"
Wang Li screamed in horror. "MY WHAT?!"
A brilliant phoenix seal flew through the air and slammed into his chest. His whole body glowed red for a moment, then dimmed.
Silence.
"…It's over," Yanyan said coldly. "You're mine."
"I—I didn't even say yes!"
"You didn't say no fast enough."
"THAT'S NOT CONSENT!!"
At this point, Sect Master Tian He simply closed his eyes and whispered to the heavens, "Just kill me now…"
An elder holding a scroll added another tally to the chart.
> "Phoenix Princess Huang Yanyan – ✔️ Engaged to Wang Li (Unintentionally)."
Another elder muttered, "That's the seventh."
"No… it's the eighth."
"The ninth if you count the fox."
"She's already calling herself his wife."
Sect Master Tian He stared at the heavens. "Why couldn't he have just been ugly?"
That Night – Wang Li's Courtyard
Wang Li sat in a lotus position, breathing deeply, trying to uncurse his yang root.
Lan Xue'er sat across from him, wearing thin white night robes, eyes as cold as glaciers.
"You're glowing red," she noted.
"It's the curse!"
"No, that's embarrassment."
Suddenly, a hand touched his shoulder.
He turned—Lin Ruoyan was behind him, wearing something silky, her cheeks pink.
"Why not break the curse the old-fashioned way?" she whispered.
"What—"
"Balance yin and yang," she murmured. "You just need… a night of harmony."
Before Wang Li could respond, Little Fox popped up behind her, also in her nightgown, wagging her tail.
"Don't forget I was here first~"
"Over my dead body," Ruoyan growled.
"Your corpse won't look good in his bed!"
Lan Xue'er suddenly activated a barrier between them all.
"This violates the rules of the Chastity Observation Directive. Cease your advances or I will summon ice spears!"
"You want him for yourself, you frosty hag!" shouted Little Fox.
"I'm here to protect him from perverts like you."
Ruoyan chuckled darkly. "You're already jealous. Why not join us and make it a proper dual cultivation ceremony?"
"—I'll kill you."
"I'd like to see you try."
The room exploded with spiritual pressure.
Wang Li's courtyard now had:
One vengeful phoenix bride-to-be.
One overprotective rule-enforcer.
Two aggressive fox and dragon girls fighting for his soul.
A very cursed and glowing red yang root.
I used to want power. Now I just want privacy. Can I build a cave somewhere? Maybe on a cloud?
…How do I remove a spiritual marriage curse without losing a body part?!
Midnight
Wang Li sat in the center of a reinforced spiritual barrier. His entire body glowed red like a furnace, steam rising from his shoulders, and his robes sticking to him as if drenched in sweat.
"Huuhh… I can feel it… the yang energy… it's going to explode!!" he gasped, clutching his dantian as if it were about to combust.
BOOM!
Another pulse of heat shot out, melting a jade tea set nearby.
Little Fox, perched on his bed and wearing practically nothing, tilted her head with amusement. "Your yang energy's out of control, Husband~"
"No kidding!!" Wang Li growled. "You saw what the Phoenix Princess did! She cursed my yang root to overheat every midnight unless I 'accept her love' or—ARGH!"
Another spiritual eruption tore through the air.
Lin Ruoyan stood by the window, her silk robe dancing in the heat waves. "Then solve it. You know how."
Lan Xue'er, arms folded, coldly snorted. "Typical. Just dual cultivate your problems away. What if he dies from overstimulation?"
"I'll revive him," Little Fox grinned.
"I'll kill him again," muttered Lan Xue'er.
"Enough!" Wang Li roared, aura surging. "If one more person tells me to 'relieve my yang with yin harmony,' I'm jumping into an ice lake and becoming a monk!"
Suddenly—
BOOM!
The door was blown open. A stunning girl in crimson battle armor stepped inside, hair long and dark, face pale with fury.
"You!" she shouted.
Wang Li blinked. "Who now?!"
"It's me—Mu Qingyi, daughter of the Sword Demon King! You left me behind at the Floating Sword Mountains!"
"I—I thought you were trying to kill me?!"
"I was trying to propose! My love confession was a sword duel! You fled before I could finish the vow!"
"Lady," Wang Li said, exhausted. "This is not the time."
She tossed her sword to the ground. "Too late. The heavens have witnessed our fight. That counts as a spiritual marriage pact!"
Wang Li's head hit the floor.
Little Fox cheered. "Welcome to the club, Sister Wife!"
"You're not helping!!"
---
Meanwhile – A Spirit Projection Appears!
Out of nowhere, a floating spiritual projection hovered above the courtyard, flickering with divine energy.
An ethereal voice echoed through the sky:
> "Warning: Spiritual Imbalance Detected. Host Wang Li is in violation of Heaven's Yin-Yang Regulation Treaty.
Multiple female bonds active. Cursed Yang Root reaching critical mass.
Solution: Initiate Dual Cultivation within the next ten minutes… or spontaneously combust."
"WHAT KIND OF SYSTEM ANNOUNCEMENT IS THAT?!" Wang Li screamed.
"I like it," Lin Ruoyan purred. "Heaven finally understands your body."
Lan Xue'er raised her hand. "If he combusts, does that make me Sect Leader by default?"
"NO ONE IS TAKING OVER THE SECT!!"
---
Ten Minutes Later… The Cultivation Emergency Plan
With sweat dripping from his forehead and spiritual flames circling him, Wang Li made the hardest decision of his life.
"…Fine."
Everyone turned.
Wang Li's face darkened. "I'll dual cultivate."
Little Fox jumped up. "With me?"
Lan Xue'er stepped forward. "Over my dead body."
Lin Ruoyan smiled. "I volunteer to assist. For medical reasons."
Mu Qingyi unsheathed her sword. "In the name of martial love, I shall take his yang!"
"…That sounds so wrong," Wang Li muttered.
Just as the girls prepared to negotiate terms of cultivation, someone else burst in.
BOOM!
"STOP!!"
The air twisted. Time slowed.
A figure in white robes landed gracefully—a goddess, her silver hair flowing like moonlight, eyes shimmering like galaxies.
Wang Li's eyes widened. "…You…"
The goddess smiled faintly.
> "Hello, my dear husband. Did you miss your first wife?"
EVERYONE FROZE.
Little Fox: "First?!"
Lin Ruoyan: "What do you mean first?!"
Lan Xue'er: "…Did I just lose to an immortal?!"
Mu Qingyi dropped her sword. "I'm outmatched."
The mysterious woman walked straight to Wang Li, leaned down, and kissed his forehead.
> "You died in your past life before we could reunite. I came to this world for you."
Wang Li passed out on the spot.
System Notification:
> Romantic Entanglement Count: 9 Spiritual Energy: MAX Yang Imbalance: Critical
Countdown to explosion: 00:05:00