Season: Summer
Weather: Sunny with an evening thunderstorm again. The heatwave continues.
Day of the week: Tuesday
Date: 14th February, 2024
Valentine's Day. Who would be my valentine?
The nurses and doctors shared some chocolates with me from the chocolate presents that they had received from their many patients. It was nice of them and they were happy to see me eating.
"We still have to fatten you up," and older nurse pinched my cheek and handed me another nutrient supplement drink. "You've lost weight since you were last here. What happened?"
I shared with her how frightened I had been when I had been staying with the bosses and she patted my shoulder with sympathy.
"If you have no family here, you really need to get a boyfriend to look after you. Do you have a boyfriend?"
I wrinkled my nose at that.
"Who wants a stinky, controlling man who only knows how to be domineering and - what's that word? Self-entitled?"
"Not all men are like that, darling," the nurse sighed at me, helping me pull out the straw from the plastic packaging and stab it into the boxed drink when she saw me trying and failing to free the straw. "Those two bosses of yours are pretty good."
"But they're bosses," I raised my hands. "I'm just a little worker at the bottom. It's like a bottom feeding carp wanting to make out with a fire breathing dragon. We're not the same species. I'll get fried to a crisp."
"I don't know. Society is pretty relaxed these days. At the end of the day, they're still human. Don't be too hard on yourself."
"A girl with no money, no place to really call home and no family has to be realistic," I shrugged. "We aren't living in a fanciful novel."
"More's the pity," the nurse touched her nose and patted my shoulder. "Rest well. If your health remains stable today, the doctor said you might be able to go home tomorrow."
"Great," I sighed. "I can't wait."
"Don't go getting too excited now. Your heart hasn't finished healing. If we don't let your heart settle properly, you might need to have surgery again. Let's avoid that if we can, huh, baby girl?"
"I'm all for avoiding surgery," I agreed. "Look, my chest is disfigured with this ugly scar now. Not that anybody would ever look at me, but I can't even look at me, right now."
"The doctor said your liver is recovering well after the resection. You don't have to worry. Like they told you last time, your liver can grow itself back."
"Glad to hear it," I smiled and sipped at the peach and cream flavoured nutrient drink. "Ah. I think I could live on these. That really hit the spot."
The nurse laughed at me and then drew closer, lowering her voice.
"By the way, the doctor told the police to try not to bother you about that other matter for the time being. At least not until you're better. You don't have to worry about a thing. I heard your bosses say that they would help the police with the investigation though."
I clutched my chest, feeling myself turn pale and lips tingling.
"Ah. Forget I told you that," the nurse panicked, hands fluttering. "Breathe in. Breathe out. Calm down. It's ok. Breathe."
"Ok? They investigate, they'll kill me!" I hissed, clutching my painful chest. "If not me, then..."
The nurse punched the emergency button and called for the medical emergency team to come while I arched on the bed, clutching my chest, trying to breathe. An oxygen mask was slipped over my face, making things a little bit better.
Twenty minutes later, I was drowsing in my bed, feeling exhausted. It looked like I wasn't going to be going home after all. But it was good that the nurse had told me. It would give me time to prepare for the retaliation at least.
I looked at my visitors that came and went through barely open eyes. They seemed to think I was sleeping and tiptoed around, leaving presents and chocolates. I was surprised at how many people had come to visit with gifts when they should be with their loved ones, celebrating with a romantic dinner or something like that.
"Jane," said my team leader while his wife sat with him by my side. He had gotten rid of the flowers he knew I was allergic to for me. "We just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and you are loved. You have people who care about you and the team at work can't wait for you to come back. Rest well. Don't worry and get better soon, ok?"
His wife held his hand and they left the ward room together. As I watched them go, I wondered if I would ever find myself worthy of another person's love or would I forever remain unworthy because I was unworthy in my own eyes. How nice it would be in a relationship of mutual love and care.
The team leader had gotten married last year and I expected we would be hearing good news that his wife was expecting soon. I had seen the way she was touching her abdomen just now. Maybe she was already expecting but just hadn't made the announcement yet because it was too early. I wasn't envious or jealous. I was happy for them. I really was. Happy that they would have what I likely never could.
I couldn't stop my tears from falling.
I'm scared. Terrified.
What will I do if that evil guy really comes for me?