Just at this time the following incident occurred. Going one Saturday
night up Granby street, Waterloo road, then full of women who used to
sit at the windows half naked; two or three together at times in the
same room on the ground-floor, with the bed visible from the street, and
which street I often walked in for the pleasure of looking at the women.
A woman standing at a door seized my hand, asking me in, and at the same
time pulling me quite violently into the little passage. I had barely
seen her, and upon her saying, "Come and have me," replied that I had
scarcely any money. "Never mind," said she, "we will have a fuck for
all that." She shut the door, closed rapidly the outer wooden shutters,
which all the ground-floor windows had in that street, and began to kiss
me and feel my prick. I then saw she was half drunk. Quickly she pulled
me towards the bed, threw herself on it, pulled up her clothes to her
navel, and cried aloud, "Fuck me,--fuck me,--fuck me.--oh! how I want
a fuck, make haste." She was a tall woman with dark hair on her cunt,
neither very long nor thick. As I looked at it, I saw the inner lips
hanging out a full inch, I put my finger, two, then three fingers up her
cunt easily. It was enormous. It shocked me, having never seen such a
cunt before I am quite sure. She meanwhile did nothing but jerk,
and wriggle her arse about, shouting out, "Fuck me,--put your prick
in,--fuck me,--fuck me."
The look of her thing, its size, and her manner so shocked me, that my
prick refused its work, and I told her so. She jumped off of the bed,
fell on her knees, and began sucking my prick violently, made it stiff
in spite of me, got on to the bed again, and recommenced crying out for
me to do it to her. With a feeling of disgust I got on her, slipped my
prick up and began, but it felt nowhere. I could not make out that it
was up a cunt at all, so loose was it. If it had been in a wet bladder,
it could not have felt looser, and it shrunk up again to nothing. "I
can't do it," said I in a fright, for her manner was so lewed, and
became so ferocious, that it quite upset me. "What! a fine young man
like you can't do it," said she. "No" (and as an apology), "I often
can't do it." Again she got it stiff by sucking it. That quite disgusted
me, but on to the bed and into her again I got. My doodle in a minute
began to shrink, but whilst in her, she wriggled and jerked away so
hard, that I think she must have got a pleasure, for she laid quiet for
a time. I was very glad to get off; but was not to be let off so easy.
"I _will_ give you a pleasure," said she, "I can if anyone can," and
although it disgusted me, for such a thing had never been done to me
before, and I tried to stop her, she dropped upon her knees saying, "You
will come to see me again I know, for a man can always do it one way or
another," put my prick in her mouth and sucked and palated it. I was too
young and too full not to feel it. Spite of myself I spent, and just as
I did, grasping my balls with one hand and frigging the stem with the
other, she drew back her mouth about two inches, kept it wide open, went
on frigging, and the sperm squirted out into her mouth and on to her
face; then she resumed sucking it until every drop was out of me.
That over, she rose and said, "You will come to me again, won't you? I
will always do that to you, and anything else you like." I gave her a
shilling and promised, but never felt so sick and disgusted with a woman
before. Everything about the woman was repulsive. I have since met four
or five woman with very large cunt-holes, but hers was the largest. I am
perfectly certain I could have put my fist up it. I avoided the street
for some months, which was a great loss to me, for I often used to go
through it, to gloat on the charms of the women as they lolled out of
the windows. When I thought of my prick being sucked, it used to disgust
me awfully, and it was many years before I knew what pleasure it was to
a man, at times; but it never has been done to me again, in the manner
that woman did it.
Then I saw the woman in taking whose virtue I lost my own,--Charlotte.
Our cook married. A new cook and housemaid came, the latter a pretty
dark-eyed girl of about eighteen years of age, named Mary. Directly I
set eyes upon her I liked her, and thought I would try to get her. My
clap and cheap pokes, had not made me much in love with gay women; whose
free-and-easy ways somewhat shocked my timidity. Some time had elapsed
since I had had any others, and my mind naturally reverted to the nice
pokes I had had with servants. My chances were fewer than ever. One of
my sisters was now frequently at home, Tom no longer needed a servant
to be with him, and the housemaid was less frequently away from the
kitchen. But I felt myself more a man, my good fortunes made me feel
more sure of success, more prompt and determined in attack.
At first I watched her closely and thought I must have seen her before.
A resemblance struck me, and I remarked to my mother, "How like that
girl is to Charlotte, who lived with us." "She is her sister," said she.
I was startled, for a feeling came over me that I ought not to try her.
But it brought my liason with Charlotte vividly to my recollection. The
first meeting, the glimpse of her cunt as she got down from the cart, my
first grope, our first poke, were now constantly before me; and I longed
with all my heart to have her again, though I knew it was hopeless.
Gradually my mind centered itself on Mary, and as I saw the resemblance
to her sister, I used to wonder how far the resemblance extended.
Whether her haunches were as large, her thighs as round, her cunt so
made, fringed, and dark, and so on; until I desired to have her, as much
for her resemblance to Charlotte, as for herself. Yet I had fear and
reluctance to make advances, because she was Charlotte's sister.
Meanwhile I was chaste, was in good health and wanted a woman awfully.
Then I had a wet dream; dreamed I had Charlotte in my arms, that she ran
away and left me with Mary, who pulled up her clothes, and invited me to
fuck her. Before I could get in to her, I awakened, found that I was on
my back and was spending on my night-gown.
I had heard much of these dreams, had had one partially, and now had
experienced a complete one. It threw me into a state of irritation,
but seemed to fix the hidden charms of Mary strongly in my imagination.
Desire so carried me away, that from gently rubbing and titillating
myself, I passed to frigging a discharge, whilst thinking of Mary's
cunt.