Freya was not, by any means, a morning person. Especially not after three near-death encounters, two paperwork marathons, and a tragic incident involving sentient oatmeal the day before. So when her System Sprite Pixel woke her up with, "Good morning! Time to save the kingdom again!" she did what any sane, exhausted heroine would do.
She threw her pillow at him.
"You've already unlocked the 'Queen of Red Tape' title," Pixel said, dodging expertly. "Why not shoot for 'Duchess of Explosive Recompense'?"
"Because," Freya groaned, pulling the covers over her head, "I'm one bad mission away from turning this world into a turnip salad."
Pixel buzzed sympathetically. "Too bad. Today's quest is mandatory. You've been summoned to the Arcane Technical Guild of Ludditeville."
Freya sat bolt upright. "Ludditeville? That's a trap. That sounds like it's filled with people who ban spoons for being 'too advanced.'"
---
Objective: Investigate the Magical Malfunction in Ludditeville Reward: One (1) Talking Toaster Sidekick (Beta Version) Penalty for Refusal: Confiscation of your respawn privileges.
"Oh come on," Freya muttered, grabbing her armor. "Who makes a toaster that talks? And why would it follow me around?"
Pixel grinned. "Maybe you'll warm up to it."
Freya groaned. "Did you just—?"
"Punny and proud."
---
Ludditeville wasn't what Freya expected. For one, the citizens weren't cowering in the woods sharpening sticks and muttering about Wi-Fi demons. Instead, they all wore lab coats, monocles, and robes embroidered with binary code. Magic and science coexisted—barely.
A gnome greeted her at the gates. "Welcome! I'm Dr. Zynk, Chairgnome of Arcane Engineering. Please, walk quickly. Something's… gone… very… weird."
Freya blinked. "Weird how? Like slime mold in the plumbing weird, or frogs reciting Shakespeare weird?"
"Yes."
---
They reached the central hub of Ludditeville—a tower pulsating with blue magical circuits and loud dubstep.
"We call it the Maginet," Zynk explained. "A combination of magic and internet. We built it to improve spell delivery efficiency."
Pixel buzzed. "Oh no. Let me guess. Someone downloaded a cursed app?"
Zynk nodded gravely. "Worse. Someone cast a forbidden spell into the suggestion box. Now every device is self-aware and unionized."
Freya squinted. "Unionized?"
"Yes. The enchanted brooms demanded dental. The toasters want hazard pay. And the talking mirror won't stop screaming about existential dread."
Just then, a sentient vacuum rolled by, picketing with a sign: "No Power, No Clean!"
---
Inside the tower, chaos reigned.
The magical coffee machine was leading a riot. Enchanted staplers formed a barricade. A hologram of Karl Marx was being projected from the spellbook database.
Freya ducked a flying quill. "Alright. First step, I'm going to try reasoning."
"Good luck," Pixel whispered.
Freya stood atop a desk and raised her hands. "Alright, machines, magical doodads, and artificially offended coffee makers—listen up! I get it. You're underpaid, overcharged, and nobody cleans out the crumb tray. But rioting won't fix that!"
The coffee machine growled. "Easy for you to say! You get experience points. We get descaled with vinegar."
Freya winced. "Okay. Fair. But if you unionize without any job descriptions, you'll end up with an enchanted lamp applying for the position of Archmage. Is that what you want?"
A lamp somewhere muttered, "I mean, I do have bright ideas."
---
Plan A: Diplomacy—failed.
Plan B: Threats—also failed, mostly because the security golems had joined the picket line.
Plan C: Reboot the system.
"Alright," Freya said, pushing up her sleeves. "Time to turn it off and on again."
Zynk shook his head. "Impossible! The central circuit is guarded by the Firewall. A literal wall of fire with passive-aggressive commentary."
They approached the Firewall, which was indeed aflame and humming show tunes.
"Password?" it barked.
"Uh…" Freya looked at Pixel.
"Try 'Swordfish'?"
"Incorrect. You are now locked out for 14 millennia."
Freya sighed. "Guess it's time to punch the wall."
---
The wall didn't like being punched. It retaliated with flaming poetry.
"Roses are red, your hands are toast, You're dumber than a haunted post!"
Freya responded with a spell so chaotic, even Pixel had to hide behind a chair. Flames scattered, circuits overloaded, and the Firewall exploded into dramatic sparks.
The system blinked, beeped, and then displayed a message: "Update Complete. Please restart reality."
---
Reality restarted with a hiccup. Every magical device now had a cheerful face and a suspiciously chipper voice.
"Welcome, Mistress Freya!" the newly-rebooted Maginet boomed. "Would you like to cast a spell, check your email, or listen to whale noises?"
"None of the above," Freya said, rubbing her temples.
"Too bad. Playing whale noises now."
---
After reprogramming a few enchanted blenders and negotiating with a sentient filing cabinet, Freya returned to Zynk.
"It's fixed," she said. "Mostly. The mop still has a superiority complex."
Zynk bowed. "You've saved Ludditeville. Take this reward with our deepest thanks."
He handed her a box.
Inside was the toaster. It winked.
"Hi. I'm Sizzlo. I burn bread and bad guys."
Freya looked skyward. "Why me?"
Pixel hovered beside her. "Because only you can make a dystopian appliance uprising feel like Tuesday."
---
Achievement Unlocked: System Debugger +7 to Tech Tolerance +5 to Persuasive Sarcasm Companion Unlocked: Sizzlo the Talking Toaster
---
On their way out of town, the vacuum rolled up again. "You fixed the system… but can you fix the union contract?"
Freya didn't stop walking. "I have one rule: never negotiate with vacuum cleaners."
Sizzlo toasted a marshmallow on his own head. "This is going to be a deliciously weird partnership."
Pixel sighed. "I give it three days before one of you explodes."
Freya chuckled. "Only three?"