With one hand gripping the bowl and the other firmly pinning Madam Wang's knee under the table, I made absolutely sure she wasn't going anywhere.
She had no choice but to swallow two more dumplings, her face turning so red I thought she might be auditioning for a tomato ketchup commercial.
In her eyes? The faint glimmer of someone contemplating the sweet release of the afterlife.
Serves her right!
I beamed at her with the kind of satisfaction you only get from a job well done.
"Look, everyone! Mom's complexion is so much better after eating my dumplings!
Mom, open wide, today I'm feeding you every last one."
Madam Wang tried to protest, but as soon as she opened her mouth, she dry heaved so hard I thought she might launch herself into orbit.
I quickly blocked her from escaping and addressed the relatives on the video call:
"My mom has been so stressed planning our wedding, she's lost weight. If she doesn't eat properly, I'm really worried about her health. Aunties, uncles, please help me convince her!"
The relatives, now fully invested in this live culinary drama, started shouting in unison:
"If she doesn't finish, we're not hanging up!"
"Xiuying, eat! You can't let your daughter-in-law down!"
"Don't waste her filial piety!"
And so, one by one, every single bitter melon and ginger dumpling found its way into Madam Wang's stomach.
By the time the call ended, she didn't even bother pretending anymore.
She shoved me aside and sprinted for the bathroom, moving faster than I'd ever seen her.
She vomited so hard I thought she was going to turn herself inside out.
At one point, she nearly face-planted into the toilet bowl, but even then, she managed to shoot me a death glare over her shoulder.
I gave her my brightest, most dazzling smile in return.
Score one for Team Xiaoyan.
Bring it on, Madam Wang. The battle lines are drawn.
I made up an excuse to go out after all. After this morning's performance, I was sure the Zhang family trio would need a private strategy meeting.
I wandered into a nearby coffee shop, ordered a caramel macchiato, and pulled up the secret camera feed I'd installed in the living room.
Right on cue, the three of them were sitting on the sofa, faces as grim as if someone had just told them the WiFi was down for a month.
Mr. Zhang was the first to speak, his voice trembling with the weight of a thousand dumplings.
"Xiao Fan's been married four times now. How many more weddings do you want him to have? My old face can't take any more embarrassment!
I hope this dumpling incident is the last. Can't we just live like normal people for once?"
Zhou Fan chimed in, looking like a man on the edge.
"Mom, I really like Xu Xiaoyan. If she gets bullied and divorces me, I swear I'll become a monk and move to Mount Wutai!"
Madam Wang's face was a lovely shade of green, her features twisted in a way that would scare small children.
She opened her mouth several times, probably searching for a decent excuse, but nothing came out.
After a long, painful silence, she finally muttered,
"I just thought Xiaoyan seemed a bit overheated lately, so I added bitter melon.
And Xiao Fan, you're always saying her hands and feet are cold, so I put in extra ginger to warm her up.
It was all for her own good! And as for the last three daughters-in-law, when was I ever unkind to them?"
Tsk, tsk. Madam Wang had more excuses than a student who forgot their homework.
After just one round, I knew exactly what kind of person she was: sweet on the surface, venomous underneath.
Lucky for her, I specialize in handling two-faced villains.
Thanks to the bitter melon dumpling debacle, the Zhang family trio lost their appetites for days.
Meanwhile, I ate like a queen—especially when I saw Madam Wang picking at her rice like a sad panda.
With her suffering across the table, my appetite doubled. I could eat two bowls of rice easily.
After all, you need energy to deal with a mother-in-law like her.
But I knew this wasn't the end.
Sure enough, two days later, my phone buzzed with a security alert from my living room camera.
Madam Wang, thinking the coast was clear, was sneaking around my and Zhou Fan's bedroom, installing a hidden camera of her own.
I had no idea what she was up to, but let's be real—when a mother-in-law installs a secret camera in her son and daughter-in-law's bedroom, she's definitely not planning a surprise birthday party.
I immediately texted my boss for a day off.
Then I marched straight to the electronics store and bought the highest-definition camera they had, night vision, motion detection, the works.
If she wanted a surveillance war, I was bringing out the heavy artillery.
Checking the feed, I saw the house was empty.
I grabbed the installation guy and headed home, ready for my counterattack.
We installed my new super-camera right in Madam Wang and Mr. Zhang's bedroom.
If she wanted to play spy games, I'd show her how it's done.
And just for fun, I set up an alert for any suspicious activity like, say, someone trying to smuggle in a live chicken or a bottle of extra-strong laxatives.
Let the games begin, Madam Wang.
You may have started this, but I'm going to finish it...........with style.