Tiffany Haddish Presents: Kids Have Amnesty…SAY…What!?
Kids Sound Off: Stuff We Shouldn't See, But See Every Day Anyway
Inspired by the fearless humor of Tiffany Haddish. For more, visit tiffanyhaddish.com.
Scene: Snack Table Roundtable
"Okay, team—today's topic is all the wild, weird, and sometimes just plain wrong stuff kids see every day, even though adults say we're 'too young' for it. No time-outs, no filters, just the truth. What do you REALLY think about all this grown-up drama?"
The News
"You say cartoons are too violent, but the news is like a scary movie with no happy ending."
"If I had a dollar for every time I saw a breaking news banner, I'd buy my own island and turn off the WiFi."
"Why do adults watch people yelling at each other and call it 'staying informed'? I call it 'family dinner with subtitles.'"
Social Media Drama
"You say I'm too young for TikTok, but you're on Facebook arguing with strangers about salad dressing."
"If you don't want me to see bad words, maybe don't shout them at your phone when you're scrolling."
"I've learned more about adult problems from memes than from health class."
Scary Commercials
"Why are there so many medicine ads with a million side effects? I just wanted to watch SpongeBob, not worry about my pancreas."
"If I see one more creepy doll commercial, I'm sleeping with the lights on forever."
"The scariest thing on TV isn't monsters—it's tax season ads."
Road Rage
"You say 'use your words, not your fists,' but then you yell at cars like they can hear you."
"If honking fixed problems, every family would have a horn at the dinner table."
"You tell me not to call people names, but you've got a whole dictionary for bad drivers."
Grown-Up Arguments
"You say 'no fighting,' then slam doors and say 'we're just talking.' If that's talking, I'll stick to texting."
"If I rolled my eyes like you do at Dad, I'd be grounded until college."
"You say 'use your inside voice,' but the walls are shaking. Should I call a contractor?"
Money Worries
"You say 'don't worry about money,' but you talk about bills more than you talk about bedtime."
"If money's so tight, why do you keep buying coffee with unicorn foam?"
"I learned about inflation before I learned to ride a bike."
Politics
"You say I'm too young for politics, but I've heard more about elections than about recess."
"If adults ran the playground, there'd be a debate for who gets the swing every day."
"You say 'vote for kindness,' but I've seen your Facebook comments. Spoiler: not kind."
Violence in Public
"You say 'be kind,' but then I see people fighting in the store over toilet paper. Is that a sport?"
"If you want me to feel safe, maybe don't take me to places where everyone's yelling."
"You say 'don't talk to strangers,' but then you argue with them in line at Target."
Celebrity Scandals
"You say not to gossip, but you know everything about people you've never met."
"If I made as many mistakes as those celebrities, I'd lose my iPad for a year."
"You say 'nobody's perfect,' but you sure expect them to be."
The Kids' Final Verdict
"If adults want us to be innocent, maybe stop showing us how messy being a grown-up is."
"You can't unsee stuff, so maybe try not to let it happen in front of us."
"If you want us to act like kids, let us be kids. And maybe turn off the news once in a while."
"We notice everything—even when you think we don't. And we've got questions. Lots of them."
Special thanks to Tiffany Haddish for giving us the courage to call it like we see it. For more, visit tiffanyhaddish.com.