Chapter 8: The Bathroom Emergency Timeline
Scene: The Grocery Store Checkout Line
Colonel Mustard (the Common Sense Condiment) stands with arms crossed near the checkout, watching a Kid squirm anxiously. Across from them, Ms. Panic Button, the official representative of the International Idiocracy of Bathroom Timing, nervously taps her foot and clutches a shopping basket.
Colonel Mustard:
Alright, today's case: The Bathroom Emergency Timeline. Ms. Panic Button, you're accused of enforcing the universal law that kids only need to pee when it's the absolute worst time. How do you explain this?
Ms. Panic Button:
I plead… inevitable! Kids' bladders have a sixth sense for the worst possible moment. It's biology, psychology, and chaos theory all rolled into one.
Kid:
Objection! If it's biology, why don't adults get this "emergency" only at checkout lines or during long car rides? Why is this a kid-exclusive superpower?
Colonel Mustard:
Good question. Ms. Panic, is this a conspiracy or just poor timing?
Ms. Panic Button:
It's a mystery! Maybe kids' bodies are wired to cause maximum inconvenience. Or maybe it's a secret kid rebellion against shopping.
Kid:
So you're saying my bladder is a tiny anarchist? That explains a lot.
Colonel Mustard:
Let's review the evidence. Exhibit A: Kids never need the bathroom at home but suddenly announce emergencies at checkout. Exhibit B: The "I have to go" phrase is the ultimate line-dropper to delay leaving. Exhibit C: Adults respond with panic, frustration, and sometimes bribery.
Ms. Panic Button:
But you can't predict it! It just happens.
Kid:
Sure you can. It's called "waiting until the last second to torture your parents." If you actually asked earlier, we wouldn't be in this mess.
Colonel Mustard:
Kid, what's your solution to the bathroom emergency timeline?
Kid:
Simple. Adults should ask early and often: "Do you need to go before we leave?" And kids should be honest instead of waiting for the perfect chaos moment. Also, maybe don't rush us out the door like we're in a hostage situation.
Ms. Panic Button:
But sometimes kids say no and then change their minds!
Kid:
Yeah, because sometimes we don't know until we're stuck in line with a cart full of snacks. It's biology and psychology, remember?
Colonel Mustard:
Final verdict: The Bathroom Emergency Timeline is a mix of human nature and poor communication. With honesty and a little patience, we can avoid most of these crises.
Ms. Panic Button:
Can I keep my shopping basket?
Kid:
Only if you fill it with snacks for the next emergency.
Colonel Mustard:
Case closed! Remember, the key to bathroom peace is early questions, honest answers, and a sense of humor when chaos strikes.
Later, Ms. Panic Button is seen asking the Kid "Do you need to go?" repeatedly before leaving the house. The Kid nods solemnly, clutching a juice box. Colonel Mustard chuckles, ready for the next mystery.
Colonel Mustard (voiceover):
The bathroom emergency isn't just a kid thing—it's a communication thing. Solve that, and you solve half the world's problems.