Until now, she had always believed that everything and everyone was trying to drag her down. There had been countless moments she couldn't bear, but somehow, she had found a way to keep going—by hiding in the shadows. Even in the places where she felt safest, she could feel herself slowly fading.
What was draining her—her fears or the people around her?
Eventually, she began questioning her state of being. Since childhood, she had been forced to carry the weight of every hardship life had thrown at her. And each time, she found herself asking the same question:
Why did she have to endure so much pain?
It took her years to realize that none of it would ever truly leave her. But was it really her fault for being this way? She had walked alone on a road paved with shattered glass—why hadn't she defended herself?
Maybe the biggest culprit was herself. She didn't know. If she hadn't allowed it, who could've broken her? Why had she been so weak?
Lately, she'd been questioning her own fragility more than ever. But after spending a few days with Jackie, something inside her began to shift. She would never forget the feeling she had when she performed with confidence at the audition. For the first time, she had shown her true self—and her talent—to the world.
And Jackie... She thought he played the biggest role in her recent self-questioning. Last night, he had promised her that if she agreed to join the company, he would stand by her side for everything she wanted to do. And now, he was sitting across from her, waiting for her answer. She had passed the auditions, and there were ten days ahead. Jackie was still sitting there, silently expecting her decision. From the beginning, her answer had always been a clear no—but now, something inside her told her to follow her heart instead of her mind.
"Alright, let's do this."
At her words, Jackie jumped up in joy and wrapped his arms around her. She hadn't expected that. As he hugged her, her heart began to pound wildly.
"Trust me during training. I'll give you all the support you need."
"I don't doubt that for a second. But first, you have to keep your promise. We've got ten days, and maybe we can't do everything, but I think we can manage a few things I truly want."
"I'm listening."
She pulled out her phone and opened the notes app. After thinking about it all night, she had put together a short list.
"First of all, I want to get drunk."
Jackie gave her a strange look, so she felt the need to explain.
"Maybe I've mentioned it before. When I'm drunk, it's really easy for spirits to enter my body. That's why I've never been able to drink freely like other people... but now I have you."
"We can definitely do that. So, what else is on your list?"
"They're simple things actually, nothing that should scare you. I want to go to the cinema, to a public bathhouse, and go camping. I've already made all the plans—you just need to follow me. Tonight we'll have a soju night. Tomorrow, we'll go to the cinema. I couldn't decide on a movie, so your input matters too. Today we'll go shopping and get camping gear. I planned a two-day camping trip. After that, we'll visit the bathhouse. You might not eat eggs with me, but you'll still come, right?"
She said it all in one breath, speaking quickly with excitement. The feeling was unfamiliar… and she liked it.
"You've made the whole plan already, so I guess all that's left is for me to follow it. But I've never been camping before—I hope you've done your research."
Hmm. That part she hadn't considered. She didn't know anything about camping either.
"Well, I'm sure the people at the outdoor store will know what we need. Let's get ready and go shopping."
"Alright."
They got ready quickly and headed to the mall. As they browsed stores, she also searched online to figure out what camping gear they'd need. But while staring at her phone, she wasn't watching where she was going—and ended up bumping into someone. She quickly apologized without even looking up to see who it was.
"HEY rookie! Are you always this clumsy and disrespectful to your seniors?"
That voice… It was the last person she expected but maybe the one she secretly wanted to run into the most.
"Chuwon seonbaenim, I really didn't see you— I'm sorry."
She wanted to get away as quickly as possible and continue shopping, but clearly, Chuwon had no intention of letting her go so easily.
"What could've kept you so distracted that you didn't even notice me?"
She looked around. People were staring. Her face twisted with mild frustration.
"I'm going camping. I was just looking at a checklist of what to buy. If you'll excuse me now, I really need to finish what I started."
"Wait a second. Camping? Where? When?"
Why was he curious? Was he checking on her for the company? Camping didn't seem like the kind of thing someone like Chuwon would enjoy. But then she glanced at Jackie. Not long ago, he was exactly like Chuwon. And yet now, she felt close to him—so close it no longer surprised her. She let out a tired sigh and answered with a flat tone, hoping this would finally end the conversation.
"In two days. Gapyeong Campground. Now, if you don't have any more questions... excuse me."
She quickly walked away.
"Do they monitor every move you make once you're in an agency or something?" she asked Jackie, without looking back.
"In our case, yes, everything used to be under strict control. But honestly, I don't think this has anything to do with the company."
As he spoke, he squeezed her hand a little tighter.
He didn't have to hold her hand—but maybe he just wanted her to feel safe. And honestly, she was grateful. She didn't push the topic any further.
They finally reached the store she'd been looking for. She burst in with excitement. Inside, there were all kinds of tents and camping gear. While she admired the different tent models, a young sales assistant approached them.
"Can I help you with anything?"
"Hi! Um, this is going to be my first time camping… I really have no idea what to buy."
"No problem, I'll assist you. First, you'll need a tent. How many people will be camping? And do you have a budget in mind? Prices vary depending on the size and material."
"A tent for two. Nothing fancy. It's just a one-time thing, so average quality is fine."
"Got it. Please follow me. This one is our most popular model. The fabric blocks out sunlight in the morning. But if you want something more spacious and comfortable, we have this one too. And for convenience, there are pop-up tents that don't need setup, but they're smaller."
"The second one looks better," Jackie said.
She nodded. "Yeah, I'll take the second one."
"Perfect," said the assistant, leading them to the mats section.
"These thick mats are good for sleeping. But many customers prefer inflatable mattresses for more comfort. What do you prefer?"
"No need for all that. The mat will do."
"Alright. I'll add one sleeping bag too."
"Just one." She answered quickly.
Jackie might've not been a full ghost, but still, a ghost didn't get cold. Why spend extra?
"Okay. Now that we've got the basics covered, you'll need cooking gear."
"Please, just give me the cheapest ones. I don't care about quality at all," she said immediately.
A bit surprised by the interruption, the assistant nodded.
"Sure. It'll take a moment. We'll prepare everything and let you know when it's ready."
She turned to Jackie, her eyes gleaming.
"I'm gonna grill so much meat at the campsite. Ughhh... fresh air makes me even hungrier. We'll need to buy a lot."
"People usually go camping to clear their minds. You're going just to stuff yourself with meat?"
She pouted. "Hey, I can do both, okay?"
He laughed.
"You're such a dork."
Her heart fluttered again. Don't smile like that, she thought. If you keep smiling like that, I'll get the wrong idea. But all she could do was smile back.
The assistant returned with their gear ready.
They paid and headed to the supermarket for the rest.
The grocery part was chaos. Every time she picked up noodles and meat, Jackie tried to sneak them back onto the shelves. But she stood her ground. She won the shopping battle and left the store victorious.
Back at home, she placed the meat into the freezer, saving one pack for the night. Then she took out the soju and set up the electric grill on the veranda. She clapped her hands like a child. Lately, she'd been in too many "why does everything happen to me" moods. But even she couldn't deny—these were some of the happiest days of her life.
She took a sip—too strong. She coughed hard, unaccustomed to the burning sensation, but still went for another shot. Jackie grilled the meat for her.
"You were supposed to be on a strict diet," he said. "But I promised I'd help you do the things you wanted first, so I'll let this slide. Once training starts, though—you'll have to watch what you eat."
She groaned.
"I'm enjoying this moment. Can we not talk about that now?"
She'd already emptied two bottles. Words were slipping freely from her lips. She had lost her filter. She was definitely getting drunk.
"I love watching you like this," he said softly. "Who would've thought—the great Jackie, grilling meat at Aera's house."
Tears welled up in her eyes. She couldn't hold it in.
"If I were normal... would you love me?"
He didn't expect that.
"Stop asking nonsense. You've had enough. Come on, let's get you to bed."
"Why is that nonsense? I love you even as a ghost."
Jackie stood and tried to pull her up.
"Leave me alone." She pushed him away.
"Ugh, you're no fun! Let me sing you my song!"
"You don't have a song. Please don't start."
Jackie spoke into the air—she wasn't listening.
She stood, grabbed him by the shoulders, and forced him into a chair. Then she opened her phone, played her own track, and began to sing. Her words slurred, off-key, but she didn't care. She wouldn't remember any of it tomorrow.
"That's really your song? Are you Yeppo Gumiho?"
"Mhm! But shhhhh… it's a secret. My secret. I don't want to give you my secret 'cause it's mine."
"You're so talented. Why did you hide yourself?"
"They loved her, not me. Not the real me. And you didn't love me either."
"Stop. I care about you."
"Aww Jackie. You're scared I'll get hurt. But I'm stronger than I look. I've heard worse, seen worse. I'll be fine."
Jackie stood up again and tried to carry her to bed. She resisted. He was stronger, but she wasn't giving up. She shoved him back into the chair.
Just then, Something by Girl's Day started playing.
She gasped. "This is my favorite song! You know that? I can dance it perfectly! Watch! Why aren't you looking? Are you blushing?"
Jackie looked tense. Maybe she'd gone too far. But it was his idea to take care of her. Maybe he didn't expect this level of chaos.
He finally had enough. He picked her up and carried her inside like a sack of rice.
"If you make any more noise, the neighbors will call the police. You've had enough. Time to sleep."
He dropped her onto the bed. She sat up again.
"I don't want to sleep."
He gently pushed her back.
"Sleep."
She got up again.
"No. I'm not sleeping."
He inhaled, clearly at the edge of patience.
"There's just one thing I want to do before I sleep."
"What?"
"This."
She suddenly pulled Jackie toward her and kissed him.
"I'm getting used to having you around. And just the thought of losing you... it hurts."
Then she lay back down.
"I'm sleepy now. I'm going to sleep. Don't turn off the light when you leave."
She would never drink again.
She had officially lost her mind tonight.